The California Highway Patrol (CHP) uniform is the classic, most sought-after cop uniform in existence, made popular by the TV show, "CHiPs" which was broadcast on American television from 1977 to 1983. I tell 'ya, a LOT of people are looking for that uniform -- and not all of them are gay uniform fetish guys, either. Lots of straight guys like to wear a uniform for Halloween, or dress their kids in one.
For those who thought it might be easy to find a source of a complete CHP (or other law enforcement) motor officer uniform via the web, I am sorry to disappoint you. It is not possible to buy an authentic, complete California Highway Patrol (or other) uniform. In fact, it is illegal even to sell such a uniform to someone who is not authorized by the CHP to buy one. (This is due primarily to laws that went into effect after the U.S. terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. They don't want the bad guys to have easy access to a uniform that they could use for nefarious purposes.)
However... it is possible, and legal, to put together a replica CHP uniform yourself, as long as you do not wear it anywhere within the State of California OR assume behavior while wearing a uniform that implies you are a cop. (If you ARE in California, choose a uniform from a different state.)
Impersonation is evaluated on two factors: how you look and what you do. If you try to act like a cop in public, such as by pulling someone over, frisking or handcuffing a "suspect," interrogating someone, etc., then a real cop may think you are trying to impersonate an officer and take you in for questioning and possibly place you under arrest on criminal charges. Keep the cop-acting behavior behind closed doors, and don't wear a uniform in the city, county, or state where cops in that uniform have jurisdiction, and be cool. You will be okay.
It is not hard to assemble and create a CHP (or other agency) uniform, but it takes some advanced planning. Here goes:
1. Get a uniform shirt (any shirt supplier can sell it) in the color "silvertan"
2. Get breeches (if you want to go with the look of a motorcycle officer). You can have "braiding" (stripes) applied from your supplier. Intapol is one source of breeches; there are others.
3. Get Dehner Patrol Boots (or a similar-looking pair. For a Halloween costume, no one will notice if you have cheap knock-off imitations.)
4. The insignia (patches) are worn on both the right and left sleeves up high near the shoulder. They are a bit harder to find, but it is possible to find them at leather fetish shops (choose your favorite) or on eBay. Sew them on.
5. You probably can not find a real CHP or other agency badge. And it's probably not a good idea to wear one. You can find a replica badge on eBay, but try to avoid getting one that says "security officer" or something generic like that. IMHO, badges like that are cheesy and make you appear like Deputy Dawg.
6. Get a regular belt (to serve as an underbelt) and a Duty Belt (called a Sam Brown Belt), attached with keepers. Get a few doo-dads to hang onto it -- see my duty belt description on my website for ideas. Here is a source.
7. Consider a good-looking, tough leather cop jacket to complete the look. This is my Taylor's Leatherwear authentic motor officer jacket that I have enjoyed wearing for many years. (Notice, no insignia on the sleeves, so I can wear it over a shirt with insignia when I am out in public, so I do not have an appearance of wearing a uniform where doing so could be misinterpreted.)
8. By all means, do NOT wear a weapon (gun, baton, billy club.) Such devices are illegal for an unauthorized, unlicensed individual to wear on the street of most cities and towns in the United States, Australia, and probably many other countries.
9. Optional Damascus cop search gloves set an interesting "tone."
10. Go hatless or if you wear a hat, choose as authentic a ballcap as you can find. A motorcycle helmet with CHP colors is good, but likely not easy to find. If you choose to wear a ballcap, avoid a generic "security" hat. Remember the "Deputy Dawg" warning above?
That's about it. It isn't hard, but takes planning. Go get 'em (at home, privately!) Have fun!
DISCLAIMER: All the information contained in this post is provided solely for the benefit of collectors and fans of the show "CHiPs" to assist them in constructing a "CHiPs" replica costume. In no way is it intended for use in any attempt to impersonate any law enforcement officer. Apologies to long-term visitors of this blog for repeating a post of two years ago, but this is a very frequently searched question this time of year, so I thought it was worth repeating.
An old adage of experienced bikers: If it looks slippery, assume it is.
While autumn is my favorite season, it comes with one of the worst road hazards for motorcyclists: wet leaves on roadways. Wet leaves are worse than ice. At least with ice, you know you have absolutely no traction, and it's not likely you'll be on the road. With wet leaves, it's usually still warm enough to be riding weather, yet you can and you can't have any traction and you don't know which -- so always assume that wet leaves are slippery. Period.
Lately, I have not been riding my Harley very much. We had a stunningly gorgeous weekend, weather-wise, last weekend. However, I had to make my biannual visit to the mother-in-law's, and was stuck in a cage for the entire weekend. Blechhh...
I did ride my Harley to work on Tuesday, but then the rain started again Tuesday evening and rain is forecast for the remainder of this week. Blechhhh....
Unlike some other places, we do not have a "wet season" or "dry season" here in Maryland. It is customary to have rain throughout the whole year, about once a week or so. But we go in cycles of no rain for weeks and then days like these past several weeks, where it rains for several days in a row. Blechhhh....
Wet roads are enough to cause me to think twice about riding. I don't like to ride when visibility is poor, because "cage drivers" can barely see me in broad daylight, much less when the skies are dark and leaden with rain. However, wet roads covered with wet leaves is the decider to make me hop in the truck if I have to go somewhere instead of hop on the saddle of my trusty iron steed.
In doing some research, I found the following information on various websites, but it all said the same thing. Thus, I believe it was pre-written by a knowledgeable author and distributed for publication on these websites. It is useful information. I abide by it, and recommend it:
Riding a motorcycle in slick conditions requires the rider to make every movement s-m-o-o-t-h. Slow down and concentrate on making each input into the bike gentle and gradual. Try to avoid turning the bike while you are passing over obstacles. Reduced traction could cause you to slide. Don't panic if the rear wheel slides a little. It may not feel stable, but as long as the front tire is going where you want it to, physics will hold the bike up.
Besides the misuse of the term 'panic' (which means an irrational response to fear), the content of this article is right on. And that's how I ride: smooth and steady, with very careful application of the brakes when needed.
And I always ride with full protective gear. My cool/cold weather gear includes: solid, tall motorcycle boots with good tread on the soles, layers of clothing for warmth and protective leathers as the outer shell (if not inner, as well), gloves with gauntlets, and a DOT-approved helmet. Always, without exception.
Life is short: ride safe!
A leather vest with a t-shirt, along with side-laced leather jeans over traditional harness boots becomes a comfy, casual biker style.
Well, perhaps the Muir Cap may not be on my head when I go about my daily business, attending meetings, visiting and helping out my senior pals, running errands and going grocery shopping. But it is an image of "me" that is frequently seen. Comfortable, casual, simple.
I may use vest extenders to hold the vest closed while I get about on my Harley. The jeans are among the most comfortable I own. I got them from Mr. S. Leather of San Francisco years ago. They fit well, and continue to look good as I occasionally treat them with leather conditioner to keep the leather soft, supple, and shiny.
Leather in public? No sweat! Honestly, no one says a thing other than the occasional question about where I got the jeans and how nice they look.
Life is short: be casually comfortable in leather!
My Great Nephew, about whom I wrote last May, called me a few weeks ago. I could tell that he was very upset. It was hard to understand him on the phone through his crying. I went to see him on the evening on which he called me. I found out that he is being bullied -- again -- by some bigger guys physically abusing him, as well as calling him names and making his life miserable.
Apparently the bullies hide their tormenting quite well. No adult at his school or anywhere else has seen what has happened. Even these days when adults are much more attuned to bullying and will intercede to prevent it, they have to witness an assault, or it becomes a "he said/he said" trade of accusations where the bullies deny doing anything, and the person who is bullied is afraid to say anything for fear of making the bullies more angry.
My Great Nephew's father tried to teach him how to throw a punch -- not strike first, but know what to do and how to strike back if punched first. The thing is, my Great Nephew doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to hit anyone, even if the person deserves to be clocked sideways and screwy. Gosh, he is so very much like me when I was his age.
Since he doesn't have a "big-jock-twin-brother" to hide behind, I suggested the next best thing, which I did when I was in school. I was very good in my studies, and knew that some of the jocks were not, and would be potentially suspended from playing on the teams (football, basketball, baseball, etc.) if their grades were not above a certain level. I offered to tutor some of these guys. I volunteered many hours of my time after school to help the jocks do better in their classes. That worked -- their grades improved and they learned that I was not such a dorky dude after all. They became my friends. When the bullies saw that a number of big jocks were truly friendly to me, and I seemed to be around them a lot, the bullies left me alone and picked on someone else.
I used that analogy to explain a strategy for my Great Nephew to try. And I am very happy to report that so far, it is working! My Great Nephew tutored one of the biggest jocks in his school. The jock got some good grades on recent tests and credits my Great Nephew for his help. In turn, the bullies are leaving my Great Nephew alone. Apparently some of the jocks overheard some of their bullying of my Great Nephew, and taught the bullies a lesson. (I didn't really want to know exactly what lesson was taught!)
So this is something to remember. If you are not the type to defend yourself by fighting, you can defend yourself by recruiting defenders by offering something you can do to help them. It is the most fundamental form of barter -- trading for services. Tutoring for protection. Whatever you want to call it, my Great Nephew is happier today than he has been since school started in early September.
When a guy reaches "a certain age," that is, age 50, you begin hearing from the medical community about having a colorectal screening, including a prostate exam. I also should acknowledge a nudge to get this test from a cop whose blog I follow. He wore a kilt in his off-time during the whole month of September on a self-proclaimed, "Kilted to Kick Cancer" campaign.
I tell 'ya, I am a real wuss when it comes to medical procedures. Like most guys, I avoid doctors unless I'm really sick or do something stupid like trip, fall, and break my leg.
Well, anyway, I finally "sucked it up" and made an appointment for a colorectal screening, which included the doctor having to stick a tube up my rectum and look around for signs of cancer and polyps in the rectum and lower part of my colon. Since I have a diagnosed chronic illness of the colon, which I have been enduring for many years, I wasn't surprised when the doctor remarked that my colon looked different from most -- his words, "like a truck has driven up and down your colon."
He knows that I am gay, so he felt that he had to ask a follow-up question, which for purposes of this blog remaining "G-rated," let me say that my answer was "no, my partner doesn't do *that* and I never have had *that* happen." (Sorry, fellas, but if you can't figure out what *that* is, don't worry about it.)
I have to admit, I requested and was provided a sedative before the exam. There is absolutely no way that I can take anything up my ass. Nope, can't do it. I was also afraid, mostly because most doctors I have had treat me in the past have made me uncomfortable or caused pain and laughed, "it doesn't hurt (much)". Yeah, doc, it doesn't hurt you, but you're not the one getting something shoved up your ass.
Well, they've learned how to make these tests less painful and uncomfortable than in years past. I can honestly say that during the actual test, I didn't feel much of anything, other than a mental aversion to knowing that someone was poking something up somewhere that I didn't want to have anything poked.
After the exam, which only took a few minutes, and leaving some "samples" of urine and feces for lab testing, I was on my way. Fortunately, my partner took me so I didn't have to drive. Remember -- I'm a wuss. I was afraid that perhaps I couldn't drive after the procedure. I really didn't know what to expect, so I prepared for the worst.
I also have to admit that the worst part about it was that it was hard to walk normally for a couple days. I kinda swaggered like I had been riding a horse. Yeah, I was uncomfortable afterwards. It wasn't painful, but it was hard to sit down and there was no way that I could ride my Harley and sit on the saddle of my bike. But that discomfort resolved in two days.
Good news is that the doctor found nothing (other than signs of my ongoing chronic illness, which is always under observation). The return of my "samples" indicated nothing bad, either. I'm okay.
I now have convinced my partner and three male friends "of a certain age" to get the screening, too. Heck, if I -- a big wuss -- can do it, anyone can. If you are a male, age 50 or older, go get a colorectal screening. It's important.
Life is short: do what you need to do, even if you don't want to do it.
My wonderful, tall, dark, handsome, energetic and enthusiastic twin brother and his lovely wife have "landed" (so-to-speak) in Italy. He retired from 32 years of service to the United States this past August. He and his wife took the month of September to roam Europe by train. They had a great time visiting 19 cities in eight countries. They ate well, and saw interesting events and sights. I think when my brother phoned me the other day, he was still in Bavaria, Germany, enjoying Oktoberfest.
Now they own a small villa in the outskirts of Rome, where my brother now has a job working in the private sector, doing what he does best -- negotiating and resolving conflicts and differences toward a calm outcome. His wife has relocated her work to their new homestead. She does all of her work by computer, while my brother has an office in Rome, and another "office" aboard the train (so he says. He does a lot of traveling throughout Europe, and uses trains to get there.)
I am delighted for their good fortune, and hope perhaps I can visit in the Spring. That time of year is beautiful in Italy, but I have to be honest, what I want to see most is my brother's goofy grin. I love that guy.
He has worked very hard to earn the place in his life where he is now, and I celebrate his new life. While I miss him terribly, we communicate often. He is encouraging me to use Skype. So far, without much success because I am such a "slow adopter" of technology. Nonetheless, we exchange email 2 - 4 times every day, and speak by phone at least once each week.
How blessed I am to have such a close relationship with my first "bestest" friend in the world, and to share his joy and happiness!
Life is short: show those you love that you love them!
This weekend includes a holiday on Monday to recognize that Christopher Columbus and his shipmates were greeted by Native Americans upon arrival in North America. Yeah, my maternal ancestors were here before he was, yet he gets all the recognition for "founding America." Ha!
It also marks the weekend that my partner and I visit his mother up in da'Burgh, where we will redd up her homestead in preparashun for winner. Yeah, she lives up dere in Alahgany channy, near where da Mon and Agony rivers form da Ahia, nof-ees of da sitty in a tahny tahnship. Or is it a burrah? Anyways, it's called Mickeys Rocks, or just "da Rox" for short.
Now, back to "normal speak" ... LOL! But I tell ya, it has taken me years to learn how to translate Pittsburghese until my dear friend, AZ, pointed out an on-line translator. Once we are within 50 miles of his hometown, my partner begins tawkin lahk dat.
If any of this blog's visitors are not from the United States, I extend my apologies, because I know these phrases must be very difficult to understand. Believe me, it is hard for me to understand, and I am a native speaker of American English!
Well, home repairs and yardwork await. My mother-in-law is anxious to have us visit, and she truly appreciates the help. While she sometimes is not all that easy to be around, she is the only mother my partner has, and she has learned to care for me in her own quirky way, so we will be fine. I do what I need to do, always... 'cause I love my partner. That's what it is really all about. Giving up two three-day weekends each year (Memorial Day and Columbus Day) is the least I can do to show my partner that I mean what I close this blog with regularly:
life is short: show those you love that you love them.
Seattle beckons me again -- for a whole week! This time, to facilitate a meeting. It's something I do, something I enjoy, yet is draining. Nonetheless, I look forward to returning to Seattle again; second time this year, in mid-October.
In mid-November, I am leading a major session at a professional conference in Las Vegas. I really get jazzed when I have a chance to do public speaking -- and before several thousand people, it becomes quite the "energizer!" Personally, I don't like Vegas. I don't gamble and am not interested in the night life. But I will look forward to seeing hundreds of colleagues and friends while I'm there in mid-November.
Mid-December will see me make that trip I have written about before. To the farthest-flung U.S. Commonwealth way out in the Pacific. I will be doing some training, participating in meetings, and getting to know people with whom I have only communicated via email. I look forward to it -- and while I have been there before, this will be the first time that I am not going there to pick up the pieces after a severe storm wiped out all of the infrastructure. On my return, I look forward to stopping off on Guam and then Hawaii for more meetings and to decompress.
Too bad my partner is unable to travel. I would love to have him with me. Alas, he will keep the home fires burning while I'm firing up a storm in the western parts of the United States, its commonwealths and territories.
Have I said recently, "I love my job?"
Life is short: show your passion!
Yep, it continues -- the ongoing queries entered into search engines about masculine men and sexual orientation. Here is one of the latest searches:
This is yet a different twist on the age-old question that directs many visitors to this blog. "Can a masculine man "still" be gay?"
Simple answer is, "yes." Masculine traits vary for each man. Some men are hyper-masculine -- some have a very deep voice, lots of facial hair, are muscular, and walk with a kind of a swagger. There are other types of masculine men who do not display all of the most obvious (and perhaps "looked-for") masculine behaviors. What I am saying is, it is a range.
Gay men display various behaviors that range from a few on the hyper-masculine end of the scale to a few on the hyper-effeminate end of the scale, with the scale "tilted" if you will toward gay men being a bit more effeminate than masculine in their behavior. But most gay guys are in the middle, displaying both characteristics of a masculine man as well as some softer behaviors which some people might characterize as being effeminate.
Trouble is, many television shows that include gay characters have those characters display the most "queeny," effeminate behaviors. So the media causes many people to believe that all gay men are frilly-froo-froo effeminate queens.
That's not the case. Just as there are gay men who are effeminate, there are gay men who look, act, and behave like any other guy. However, you won't see him making out with a woman, enjoying himself at a (straight) strip club, or oogling women on the street. But you may indeed see him at a local sports bar cheering on the local team, or playing sports himself in a recreational league, or riding a motorcycle, sailing a boat, chasing children on a playground (e.g., being an uncle), or a zillion other things that guys do.
So the answer to this query again remains, "yes, a masculine man can be gay." The thing is, he's probably very good at hiding his sexual orientation.
For more on this topic, see some past posts on this blog.
Life is short: be who you are.
Some people have commented from time to time about the size of my boot collection and the variety of leather gear that I have. I wear the boots and the leather regularly. I have been asked about the budget required to acquire the boots and gear.
First off, I should note that I have owned some pairs of boots for over 35 years. The boots and gear have been acquired over a long, long time. These items are not something that I went out and purchased entirely at one time.
I operate on one simple philosophy: I only buy what I can afford, and do not extend myself on credit. That's right -- I never carry a balance on a credit card.
How do I do it? I have a budget. Yep, a plain, old-fashioned plan for where my income will be allocated toward expenses.
The first person I pay with each paycheck is myself. I put 20% of my net income into savings. I divide the savings into 75% that I can't touch until retirement, and 25% into my "rainy day" fund. I have figured out how much money I would need to live on to cover costs for my home, vehicles, food, utilities, and other regular expenses. I have 12 months-worth of savings in this "rainy-day" account that, if needed, I can use to cover a major, unplanned expense. That expense may be something like having to pay the deductible on my auto insurance in case I get into a wreck, up to and including losing my job. I have enough money saved that I could withstand -- not to my liking mind you -- losing my primary source of income by losing my job and still survive for at least 12 months without another paycheck. Not that I plan to get laid off or fired, but I have left jobs without another job lined up twice in my life, so I know what it's like to have ongoing expenses without income, and still need to keep a roof over my head and food on the table.
I then allocate the remainder of my net income across expenses. My share of our home's mortgage, utilities, and groceries. I include in my allocations the costs to own, maintain, and operate a cage (4-wheeled vehicle) and a Harley -- not cheap! I also allocate a small amount toward what I call my "boot fund" which is really a small savings account that I tap into when I want to buy boots or leather gear or buy other things that I want -- but do not "need."
Some people have various amounts available after major expenses are paid. But even saving US$10/month can add up.
I also work pretty hard at preventing (or reducing) expenses that can suck my bank account dry in a hurry. I don't, for example, pay for pay channels on television (such as HBO, etc.) I do not subscribe to a data plan for wireless services, so I do not pay the monthly ransom demanded by the wireless "providers" who charge such outrageous monthly fees. I walk at lunchtime and around my neighborhood -- instead of paying for a gym membership. Since I do not carry a balance on credit cards, I do not have to pay what is essentially "debt service" -- that is, paying someone else for your own money. Also, I pack a lunch that I bring to work and prepare our other meals at home, each and every day. Avoiding going out to eat except on rare occasions saves me about US$5,000 each year (I calculated that based on eating lunch out 4 days/week and dinner out 3 days/week, which is about average for my fellow residents here in Snoburbia, and offsetting that with the cost of buying more groceries instead).
You do not have to make it more complicated than it really is. Just employ the lessons that those who lived through The Great Depression learned, and taught me: save money for a rainy day and for your future; be a good steward of your money so you can pay your bills and not get upside down (that is, owe more than you take in); then, and only then, allocate funds toward purchase of "wants" vs. "needs."
This is another reason why my partner and I are so closely synced -- we think about finances exactly the same way. Some may call us "financially stable" while others may call us "cheap." The thing is, we are able to cover our living expenses, reduce expenses that are financially draining, save for retirement and unplanned major expenses, and still have money left over to enjoy things -- like our hobbies, interests, and activities. (One thing that many couples fight about is money. Thankfully, that has never been an issue with us!)
My philosophy on finances was best quoted by a dear friend in an email that I received yesterday: when there is something pricey you really want to do or someone you really want to help, the money is there. And when the economy tanks, you have the funds to ride the tide ... comfortably.
It's all about that "B-word." Budget. Figure out how much it costs to live, see what you can eliminate from reviewing where you are spending your money and don't really have to, and saving for a rainy day.
Life is short: live it well by budgeting.
