I Am Who I Am

I received an email the other day, generated from this blog, which said, in part, "it is gratifying to know that there are decent, well adjusted, friendly gay men like you. Honestly, I have been struggling with 'coming out' for years. ... Just wanted you to know that I have enjoyed your insights and interesting discussions in your blog. It has been quite therapeutic."

Wow... who woulda thunk? I mean, I am just a regular guy with some specific interests and passions that a blog is well-suited to use as a medium to talk about those interests. Also, I just like to write :-)

I am uncertain how my musings can serve to be therapeutic, but if it helps, I am happy to do so.

It really all boils down to one thing that makes me the man I am: my parents and family raised me well. They helped me to develop self-confidence and a self-assured nature. I was always a klutz, athletically disinclined, and more interested in reading books than throwing a ball. I saw my older brothers and other men in my life and wanted to be like them, but knew that I was different. I tried to do things that they did, like play sports or date women, but it never worked. And you know what? My family didn't make fun of me or mock my failures. Instead, they accepted me for who I am and asked me, "what do you like? How can I help you fulfill your interests?"

Perhaps they didn't ask questions exactly like that (I can't remember), but I never once felt ridiculed for being "different." I always felt loved and accepted for who I am. They let me try various things, and when it didn't work out or I goofed up, they just smiled and said, "okay, let's try something else." Honestly, never once did I feel humiliated or belittled by my family.

Sure, there were bullies in school and short-sighted nobodies in my adult life who were insecure about themselves, and felt better if they could belittle me to make themselves feel bigger and better. Sometimes their actions hurt me, both physically and emotionally. But my family -- and as an adult, my partner -- always and without fail point out why they love me for who I am and that my inner strengths make me a better person overall, encouraging me to rise above the hurt and anger and respond with sympathy, kindness, and compassion.

Actually, it is intriguing to me as I look back that my family never said bad things about other people, but only highlighted the good things in me and others around us. Their optimism, sense of hope, and strong belief in me inspired and empowered achievements beyond my wildest dreams. I became who I am and achieved what I have done because of how they transferred their strength to me through positive support.

I realize how fortunate I am. Not everyone has a family like mine. Not every gay person lives in a community where diversity is a way of life, not something to be "celebrated" on a particular day of recognition. Not every gay guy has a partner who is his equal in intelligence, financial security, and savvy. Not every gay guy has friends he's known for life (and some less long) who form the fabric of a rich net supporting him and his goals, failures, and fun regardless of his sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is appreciated by a cadre of seniors and neighbors for being "that guy who knows his stuff," rather than "that gay guy ...". Not every gay guy works for an employer that evaluates him based on skills and abilities, and doesn't make judgments based on sexual orientation. Not every gay guy is in a situation as I am to be able to "let go" and be who I am, out and open, free and honest, secure and confident.

In summary, I guess what allows me to be a decent, well-adjusted, and friendly guy is that I can freely be who I am. I can make mistakes, and be forgiven. I have learned to "let go" any concerns about what other people may say about me (boots, leather, being gay, or my appearance). I have learned that being honest (and not living in the closet) is absolutely refreshing and invigorating. I can learn, and adjust from my learning. I can do what I do best, and choose not to do what I don't do well. And that's okay. I am who I am.

Life is short: Love me for who I am, 'cause I am not someone else.