Why Not Be A Passenger?

I was conversing with a close [straight] friend who lives in a distant state the other day, saying that I was longing to get back on the saddle of a motorcycle. I am unhappy because the weather is gorgeous and yet my Harley remains in the garage, unused, because my doc says I can't ride yet until my leg heals some more after I broke it in January.

My friend asked, "why not ride as a passenger?"

It was a simple-enough question. If I can't put my feet down and man-handle a big motorcycle, I could, at least, ride as a passenger, right?

Well... no, I don't think so.

My partner does not know how to ride a motorcycle, so he couldn't take me. My very close biker buddy friend who wouldn't bat an eye taking me as his passenger was killed six years ago by a cell phone yapping SUV-driving yuppie. And, unfortunately, I do not have any other friends to whom I am close enough and who can ride a motorcycle to ask.

Sure, I belong to a motorcycle riding club and often ride with them on group rides. Unfortunately, I observe that most of these guys, if not all, are wary of me. I am the only "fully out" gay guy among them. (I figure if statistics are accurate, there are other gay men in the club, but if there are, they live completely in the closet.) The club members are friendly enough, but keep their distance socially. I think they're afraid of "gay by association" if they get too close.

I have to admit, I keep my distance, too, mostly because I'm not the social animal that other, younger, single guys are. And the guys who aren't single and who are sociable always bring their wives to social occasions (many of whom are riders themselves.) My partner is so anti-social that he rarely comes to me to any biker-related social events, so it is easy to perceive that I am not all that sociable. And, as I have said before, I don't like to stay up late and drink beer. Thus, I avoid most biker social events because the hours and activities are incompatible with my preferences. I can understand, then, why there are distances in our relationships, and the distances aren't all related to the fact that I am a gay man.

Regardless, when my friend asked me simply about whether I could ride as someone's passenger, I thought, "nope, ain't gonna happen." I really don't know anyone (or think I know anyone) who is man enough, secure enough, and courageous enough to take me as his passenger.

I also have to admit that being a motorcycle operator for some 33 years, it would be darned hard to be a passenger. I think I would naturally try to drive, or to put my foot down, to lean, or otherwise make things unintentionally difficult for the operator.

I commended my (straight) friend for being such an open-minded guy. He is not naive, but since he is not gay, he does not have much of an idea of what I live with. Homophobia comes in a variety of forms. Most of it is not overt. But it shows, for example, as people consider how close to get to me -- or how not.

Life is short: dream of the day when things like this don't matter.