More on Masculine Gay Men

I have received several messages in response to my post yesterday titled, Do Masculine Gay Men Scare Masculine Straight Men?" From what I'm reading, there are a number of masculine gay men who have been subjected to taunts, negative comments, and ridicule from straight men when the straight guys find out that they're gay.

So I did a little bit more research, and found a fascinating article titled "Straightjacketed," which I have linked to, here.

Several things in that article hit home:

• Growing up, men are faced with the continual threat of being seen as gay and the continuous challenge of proving that they are not gay. In short, boys and men are kept in line by homophobia.
  
• Masculinity is strongly molded by homophobia, the widespread fear of and contempt for homosexuals.
  
• Homophobic beliefs are deeply embedded in our society. Even the many books about men largely ignore the fact that mainstream masculinity is heterosexual

I contend that masculine straight men behave as if they are afraid of masculine gay men only because when a guy looks, behaves, dresses, talks, and otherwise appears "as a man," it goes against what men have been taught by society since they were born. Straight men expect all gay men to behave the same way -- with effeminate characteristics, a high squeaky voice, limp wrists, and other characteristics enhanced by the social stereotyping process.

I know more than a few gay men who are not masculine in their behavior at all, and who serve as the role models for the social stereotype that all gay men are "queens." Well, not all are. Not all straight men are rugged outdoorsy-types, either. Many men these days take on what was considered not too long ago as feminine roles with regard to caring for children and/or elderly parents, cleaning the house, cooking meals, and such.

I also know gay men who are afraid of masculine gay men. Heck, I observe that right where I work, and in my neighborhood. But our differences have nothing much to do with whether we behave as masculine men or not. It simply has to do with being interested in different things. I'm interested in riding my Harley, and wearing boots and leather when I do so. Some of the gay men to which I refer are more interested in going to movies and to clubs. Does either behavior make either one of us more or less "gay?" I think not....

Then the same is true about straight men and gay men -- neither one of us is more or less of a man due to the biological expressions of our respective genes that determine whether or not we are hetero- or homosexual. (Yeah, I am clearly among those who believe that gay men are born gay, not "made" gay.)

It all boils down to the focus of the article that I summarized: homophobia is "taught" indirectly by society and men (and some women) react in ways to reject homosexuality because society expects them to behave that way. What some of them may be afraid of is to reject society's normative instruction -- that is, they are afraid to reject homophobia. It is quite possible for men to be straight, but not narrow.

I think it is important for gay men to help straight men learn about who we are, to accept us, and to become our allies. They are more likely to do that if we as gay men behave in ways that don't fulfill social stereotypes which frighten more men than we may know.

My two cents. What's yours?