Who am I Now?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and musing with some friends and my partner... asking myself, "who am I now?"

My life is settled. I have a wonderful partner; regular full-time job that I enjoy; nice home in the quiet suburbs; a Harley (and a 4-wheeled vehicle too); great family, good friends, and a wonderfully accepting and tolerant community. I lead a busy civic life, and enjoy having opportunities to help make others' lives just a little bit better each day. I am a fortunate man in many respects.

Am I the guy dressed in leather going to a leather bar? Not (any more.) Am I the cowboy entering the gay rodeo? Not (any more.) Am I the guy showing up at the gay pride festival? Not (any more.) But you may find me in boots and leather around my community and at home, and perhaps on my website or a few other places around the 'net. I may not get out much, but I'm not dead (yet).

I am... the colleague who explains where to meet when the fire alarm goes off... the neighbor who helps you fix that broken window... the friend who commiserates the loss of a pet cat... the Road Captain who leads you on a fun and safe motorcycle ride... the homeowner's association President who gets the county to repair your broken sidewalk... the civic activist who will be with you at a public hearing on local development issues and who testifies before local and state legislators about issues that will improve our community... the "nice young man" who escorts you to the polls to exercise your privilege to vote or who helps you compute your income tax return and file it... the fundraiser for local charities... the gentleman who organizes volunteers to install safety items in your home, and twists arms of local vendors to supply the materials... the cousin who shares your joy at the birth of your latest grandchild and updates the family tree... the nephew who takes you grocery shopping... the brother, uncle, and great uncle who loves you more than you'll ever know... and the partner in every sense of the word to his one-and-only man.

Yeah, I guess I have changed, from a guy who played a bit in leather, but uses it now for riding his Harley than going out to leather bars. The former cowboy who if he rode a horse today couldn't walk for a week. The guy who might sit and watch "CHiPs" re-runs on TV but now is so involved in the community, with friends, and with family, that he doesn't even know what's on any more (and doesn't care).

My focus and interests have changed. Is it maturity? Is it age? Is it accepting that I am fulfilling my parents' desires for a life fulfilled? I dunno. I muse. I wonder. But you know, I love my life and for that, I thank God, my family, my friends, and most of all, my loving and abiding partner. He really made it all happen for me, more than he will ever know.

Life is short. Wear your boots. Love those you love even more.