Note from BHD: The following guest blog post was written by my friend Kevin who has written guest blog pieces before and comments frequently on this blog. He was invited by a friend who lives in Washington, DC, to visit and drop by to see what Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) weekend was all about. Here are his observations. (Sorry, no photos, but I learned a few years ago that there are some closet cases who get very upset if their image of them at MAL appears anywhere, so for respect of those who don't want to be seen there, I have no photos to post with this message).
My weekend trip to DC was fantastic and I was quite pleased and pleasantly surprised to discover that my friend planned for me to visit this past weekend because MAL was happening and he knew that I wouldn't venture there by myself. My preconceived ideas would have gotten the better of me and I would have missed out on a truly important growth experience. I am indeed fortunate that I can be myself with them and they love me unconditionally. As a result, I'm learning to strip away the barriers I've built over a lifetime. I'm thankful to have supportive and loving friends who allow me to do so.
Showing posts with label Guest Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guest Blog. Show all posts
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Men's Confusion on Masculinity Today
The following guest blog was written by someone from Belgium who visited this blog, read many of my previous posts, and sent me an email. He brings to light interesting points about views of masculinity, women's roles in today's society, influence on choices of clothing, and more specifically, boots as a choice of male footwear.
In honor and respect of privacy, I will not reveal the writer's name or contact information, but if you have comments, please leave them on this post or write to me and I will forward your comments to him.
Guest Blog from a Straight Man in Belgium
For me, a man's sexual orientation is not important. But as a straight man (married, with 3 kids) I notice how many straight guys are in fact very insecure and confused.
In honor and respect of privacy, I will not reveal the writer's name or contact information, but if you have comments, please leave them on this post or write to me and I will forward your comments to him.
Guest Blog from a Straight Man in Belgium
For me, a man's sexual orientation is not important. But as a straight man (married, with 3 kids) I notice how many straight guys are in fact very insecure and confused.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 3
This is the third (and last) in a series of blog posts about relationships between straight and gay men. See Is It Hard for Straight Men to Be Around Gay Men?" from July 20, and "Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 2" from July 21.
This is a guest blog piece from a straight friend who is sharing his thoughts about the issue of relationships between straight and gay men.
This guy has been a friend of mine since we met in first grade.
Dear (you),
I read your email and the post on that blog that you referred me to. I found that article mildly offensive at first, because I said to myself, "I'm not like that." But then I thought about it, and realized that indeed I am like that sometimes with gay people I don't know. I find myself creating more space between me and someone I know or think is gay, and I have found myself avoiding them (I don't go to the gay pride celebrations at work, for example.)
I realized that since I grew up in a strict Catholic environment, that my perceptions of what "gay" was were influenced by the Church, my family, and my friends. I know that I have felt uncomfortable around gay people, but did not realize why. I would not say that I felt digusted. That is a very strong word. But I agree that I never understood why a man would not enjoy intimate relationships with a woman. I also felt revolted (? too strong ... but highly uncomfortable) by two things: the mere thought of two men having sex with each other, and also how some gay people act -- frilly and flamboyant.
I know from knowing you for what, some 48 years?, that not all gay people are the same. You have remained the same, steady, strong friend I grew up with. You were there as an usher in our wedding, when our kids were born, and helped me finish our basement. Over my wife's objections, you taught our oldest son how to ride a motorcycle safely. You cut through the county red tape so that my twin daughters could do a significant service project and win their honors in the Girl Scouts. In so many ways, you have been closely entwined with our family, and we remain grateful and appreciative.
That made me think -- we have no aversion to you (as that blog post says.) Why? Because I knew you before you identified as being gay. I did not notice that you changed when you became more open about being gay, other than your self-confidence seemed to improve, and you became more relaxed and self-assured.
We have grown to admire and like your partner, too. While we don't see him that often, we know that he cares for you a lot and we can see how much you love him, and he loves you. Your strong bond of commitment is parallel to what my wife teaches through her work in the Church's Relationship Education program.
I also think that how I feel about you may be different from how I feel about other gay people because you act like a man. What I am saying is that I have never understood why some gay men act so flamey. You know what I mean. You have taught me that all gay people are not the same. I have to admit that I would be more distant if you behaved the way gay people come across on TV or on the news during those gay pride parades.
I remember one time that my older brother asked me about you and our relationship when he found out you were gay. I distinctly remember him asking me if I wouldn't be seeing you any more. I was put in the uncomfortable situation of defending our friendship. Then I thought about it, and told my brother that you're the same guy we always knew, and that he should change -- not you. He didn't say anything to me again.
Thank you for the chance to explain, and to comment. I have never written for a blog before -- or even read yours until this week. But I will always be your friend, and appreciate your friendship in return. See you next week at the crab feast!
T
This is a guest blog piece from a straight friend who is sharing his thoughts about the issue of relationships between straight and gay men.
This guy has been a friend of mine since we met in first grade.
Dear (you),
I read your email and the post on that blog that you referred me to. I found that article mildly offensive at first, because I said to myself, "I'm not like that." But then I thought about it, and realized that indeed I am like that sometimes with gay people I don't know. I find myself creating more space between me and someone I know or think is gay, and I have found myself avoiding them (I don't go to the gay pride celebrations at work, for example.)
I realized that since I grew up in a strict Catholic environment, that my perceptions of what "gay" was were influenced by the Church, my family, and my friends. I know that I have felt uncomfortable around gay people, but did not realize why. I would not say that I felt digusted. That is a very strong word. But I agree that I never understood why a man would not enjoy intimate relationships with a woman. I also felt revolted (? too strong ... but highly uncomfortable) by two things: the mere thought of two men having sex with each other, and also how some gay people act -- frilly and flamboyant.
I know from knowing you for what, some 48 years?, that not all gay people are the same. You have remained the same, steady, strong friend I grew up with. You were there as an usher in our wedding, when our kids were born, and helped me finish our basement. Over my wife's objections, you taught our oldest son how to ride a motorcycle safely. You cut through the county red tape so that my twin daughters could do a significant service project and win their honors in the Girl Scouts. In so many ways, you have been closely entwined with our family, and we remain grateful and appreciative.
That made me think -- we have no aversion to you (as that blog post says.) Why? Because I knew you before you identified as being gay. I did not notice that you changed when you became more open about being gay, other than your self-confidence seemed to improve, and you became more relaxed and self-assured.
We have grown to admire and like your partner, too. While we don't see him that often, we know that he cares for you a lot and we can see how much you love him, and he loves you. Your strong bond of commitment is parallel to what my wife teaches through her work in the Church's Relationship Education program.
I also think that how I feel about you may be different from how I feel about other gay people because you act like a man. What I am saying is that I have never understood why some gay men act so flamey. You know what I mean. You have taught me that all gay people are not the same. I have to admit that I would be more distant if you behaved the way gay people come across on TV or on the news during those gay pride parades.
I remember one time that my older brother asked me about you and our relationship when he found out you were gay. I distinctly remember him asking me if I wouldn't be seeing you any more. I was put in the uncomfortable situation of defending our friendship. Then I thought about it, and told my brother that you're the same guy we always knew, and that he should change -- not you. He didn't say anything to me again.
Thank you for the chance to explain, and to comment. I have never written for a blog before -- or even read yours until this week. But I will always be your friend, and appreciate your friendship in return. See you next week at the crab feast!
T
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Straight Men and Gay Men, Part 2
This is a follow-up to my blog post from yesterday titled, "Is It Hard For Straight Men To Be Around Gay Men?"
The following is a guest blog piece. It was written by Kevin, a friend who frequently contributes to this blog. He is gay (so when he refers to "us," he is referring to gay men).
I appreciate having such an intelligent, thoughtful friend to bounce ideas like this off of. He always responds with well thought-out ideas. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3, written by a straight friend of mine with his perspective.
Kevin shares his insightful commentary with us:
I found the post you reference to be quite interesting. The author makes a good point as he is willing to address his fear. He correctly identifies the fear of what others will think as a primary motivation for homophobic behavior. It's also a fear of how he will be treated by those he now disagrees with.
Let's face it, many of us remained in the closet because of the fear of rejection. Where we risk rejection by choosing to live the lives we were intended to because that's the way we're wired, our straight allies risk rejection for choosing to say to their friends, family, and co-workers that they no longer believe in the same things in quite the same way.
As people we gravitate to those who make us feel comfortable and with whom we share common values and outlooks. I look to lessons learned during the civil rights struggles where sympathetic whites were sometimes subjected to even greater cruelties because they were seen as traitors. An even more on-point example is the reaction of some to Cuomo in New York in calling on the Catholic Church to deny him communion because of his support of same-sex marriage.
Sympathetic straights also come under scrutiny by both camps. The homophobes may question their sexuality, but the LGBT community will always view them as outsiders who truly don't understand us. Since "gay" has come to be far more inclusive than other differences, there's a pressure to accept all or nothing. Our own sense of identity as LGBT individuals vary widely as we strive to carve a niche for ourselves that incorporates this trait of sexuality but doesn't serve as our primary designation. However, sympathetic straights aren't always given this latitude. So we now have the fear of being judged because of an inability to accept the extreme as well as the conservative.
But those fears only scratch the surface since they deal with how to relate to others. I believe the true fear is that being exposed to that which makes us uncomfortable, forces us to examine what we believe and why we believe it.
As it relates to homosexuality, I believe the true issue lies in what we believe about men and women. We have a long way to go before men will view women as equals. The roles of husband and wife and attitudes about women are still fairly entrenched in the Victorian era. The man is dominant and the woman submissive. In those instances where dominant women existed, property laws were firmly in place to ensure male dominance.
For a straight man to physically distance himself from a gay man suggests that he views human interaction in terms of mating behavior. In his mind, when sexuality is introduced, the knowledge that another man is gay suggests that the man's only interest in him is sexually motivated. After all, his primary interest in interacting with women is based on this metric, so it stands to reason that the same applies to gay men in our relation to all other men. If he perceives himself as bigger and stronger than the gay man, he thinks of him as the woman. He views himself in the opposite light if the gay man is bigger and stronger. Either way he feels uncomfortable.
Some straight men profess to consider homosexuality wrong but have little problem with lesbianism when presented for their entertainment and control. The pornography industry has capitalized upon this for decades. Those same men have problems with gay men because those same rules of dominance and submissiveness don't readily apply yet they try to force the dynamic. One must be the woman and the other the man in the relationship.
Yet, when one looks at the top/bottom dynamic in some gay relationships, our society affords men with privilege that still forces one to look at the relationship as one of equals. Straight women may fall into a similar expectation of behavior. Those who offer the loudest protest to same-sex relationships seem to believe that somehow they lack something that only men can bring to the relationship. Talk of equal partnership is just talk at the end of the day. For these women, the Victorian sensibilities as they relate to men, women, sexuality, and sexual intercourse are what they seek.
I appreciate Kevin's insights, and hope you find his post and thoughts as intellectually interesting as I have.
Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 written by a straight friend of mine.
The following is a guest blog piece. It was written by Kevin, a friend who frequently contributes to this blog. He is gay (so when he refers to "us," he is referring to gay men).
I appreciate having such an intelligent, thoughtful friend to bounce ideas like this off of. He always responds with well thought-out ideas. Tune in tomorrow for Part 3, written by a straight friend of mine with his perspective.
Kevin shares his insightful commentary with us:
I found the post you reference to be quite interesting. The author makes a good point as he is willing to address his fear. He correctly identifies the fear of what others will think as a primary motivation for homophobic behavior. It's also a fear of how he will be treated by those he now disagrees with.
Let's face it, many of us remained in the closet because of the fear of rejection. Where we risk rejection by choosing to live the lives we were intended to because that's the way we're wired, our straight allies risk rejection for choosing to say to their friends, family, and co-workers that they no longer believe in the same things in quite the same way.
As people we gravitate to those who make us feel comfortable and with whom we share common values and outlooks. I look to lessons learned during the civil rights struggles where sympathetic whites were sometimes subjected to even greater cruelties because they were seen as traitors. An even more on-point example is the reaction of some to Cuomo in New York in calling on the Catholic Church to deny him communion because of his support of same-sex marriage.
Sympathetic straights also come under scrutiny by both camps. The homophobes may question their sexuality, but the LGBT community will always view them as outsiders who truly don't understand us. Since "gay" has come to be far more inclusive than other differences, there's a pressure to accept all or nothing. Our own sense of identity as LGBT individuals vary widely as we strive to carve a niche for ourselves that incorporates this trait of sexuality but doesn't serve as our primary designation. However, sympathetic straights aren't always given this latitude. So we now have the fear of being judged because of an inability to accept the extreme as well as the conservative.
But those fears only scratch the surface since they deal with how to relate to others. I believe the true fear is that being exposed to that which makes us uncomfortable, forces us to examine what we believe and why we believe it.
As it relates to homosexuality, I believe the true issue lies in what we believe about men and women. We have a long way to go before men will view women as equals. The roles of husband and wife and attitudes about women are still fairly entrenched in the Victorian era. The man is dominant and the woman submissive. In those instances where dominant women existed, property laws were firmly in place to ensure male dominance.
For a straight man to physically distance himself from a gay man suggests that he views human interaction in terms of mating behavior. In his mind, when sexuality is introduced, the knowledge that another man is gay suggests that the man's only interest in him is sexually motivated. After all, his primary interest in interacting with women is based on this metric, so it stands to reason that the same applies to gay men in our relation to all other men. If he perceives himself as bigger and stronger than the gay man, he thinks of him as the woman. He views himself in the opposite light if the gay man is bigger and stronger. Either way he feels uncomfortable.
Some straight men profess to consider homosexuality wrong but have little problem with lesbianism when presented for their entertainment and control. The pornography industry has capitalized upon this for decades. Those same men have problems with gay men because those same rules of dominance and submissiveness don't readily apply yet they try to force the dynamic. One must be the woman and the other the man in the relationship.
Yet, when one looks at the top/bottom dynamic in some gay relationships, our society affords men with privilege that still forces one to look at the relationship as one of equals. Straight women may fall into a similar expectation of behavior. Those who offer the loudest protest to same-sex relationships seem to believe that somehow they lack something that only men can bring to the relationship. Talk of equal partnership is just talk at the end of the day. For these women, the Victorian sensibilities as they relate to men, women, sexuality, and sexual intercourse are what they seek.
I appreciate Kevin's insights, and hope you find his post and thoughts as intellectually interesting as I have.
Tune in tomorrow for Part 3 written by a straight friend of mine.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Is the Alpha-Male a Real Person?
This is another guest blog post from a friend whose experience and background is similar to my own. The photos of the boots shown in the post below are from my friend's collection.
By: the Only Booted Man in Town
In a previous guest blog, I talked about why I wear cowboy boots in a US state where doing so is an oddity. Not unheard of; just a rare occurrence. Here I delve into the correlation between boot-wearing and that scary thing called Masculinity.
Let me talk about my own personal story a bit before I jump into generalities. I grew up in a stable home. No dysfunction, or no more dysfunction than is found in typical families. I had a happy childhood. But I was a loner for the most part. I did have friends, but a lot of times, when I got a good friend they moved away. Or they started playing with other kids. I was bullied in elementary school (sound familiar?) because I wasn't that typical boy and didn't do typical boy things, and wasn't good at sports. Picked last on the team, beamed by the ball at dodgeball -- you name it, it happened to me. I was a crybaby -- don't know why I did, but the waterworks opened uncontrollably without warning and oftentimes for no great reason. And the things I where I excelled were things that weren't manly back in the 1970s, like cooking and baking.
I longed to be a guy and to be good at guy things.
As the years went by, I did find my niche among other kids. I stopped dressing like a nerd and had friends. We weren't the most popular kids at school, but I held my own and didn't get picked on any more except by one or two bozos. I learned to play the bagpipes in my 20s, and bonded with a pretty wild bunch of guys -- it takes a lot of balls to wear a kilt in public, and don't mess with a group of rowdy pipers. We carry knives. I learned to weave and work with textiles -- and felt guilty that those things that I liked to do weren't manly enough. It took years before I realized that weaving is okay, and that most professional weavers were men.
I turned out okay. I got married and have two sons. I teach cooking classes at a living history museum where I work. Those classes, filled to capacity, are for boys only. I still can't ride a bike or throw a baseball. But I am starting to realize that that is okay too. Yet, still, there is that part of me still searching for a masculine identity that escaped me as a child. And I don't want my kids to go through what I went through.
How do boots reflect my struggle with Masculinity? When I was younger, I fell in love with boots because of their rough manliness. I remember finding a pair of my dad's rubber boots in the basement one day when I was about 5 and putting them on, and suddenly feeling more manly. I have talked about getting my first pair of cowboy boots in a previous guest blog. When I put them on, I felt more manly too.
And now I wear cowboy boots all the time. I admit that I wear them in part because they make me feel manly and powerful. Like a cowboy. Silly, well, yes, but so be it. But I have come to realize that it is okay to wear boots because they make me feel good. It took a lot of inner struggle to come to this realization. The questions kept popping up in my head: am I being TOO male? Don't only gay guys wear boots? And if a guy looks at my boots in "that way," won't it bother me? All those questions come up in my mind from time to time. The answer is no, gentle reader, to all of the above.
Maybe this whole tale hits a nerve with some of you. Maybe not. But I think we all try as men to be the best men that we can be, regardless of sexuality or whatever. We all struggle with that ideal picture of the great testoterone-filled Alpha Male that we wish we were. Society's latest penchant for male-bashing doesn't help, either.
As I get older, I realize that I am who I am, and will be who I will be. I have started to understand that that testosterone-laden, cigar-chomping, booted leather-clad Alpha Male never was a real person, and only serves to cause us problems when we pretend he IS real.
It isn't bad to wear boots or leather or whatever if it makes you more in touch with Masculinity. But don't let that dreamed-up image overcome reality.
So, we press on.
Be who you are, and be proud of who you are.
Something to ponder in your own struggles in this thing called life...
Note from BHD: thanks again to my friend for sharing great insights and sharing some more photos of his great boot collection. Return to this blog tomorrow for my thoughts on this matter.
By: the Only Booted Man in Town
Let me talk about my own personal story a bit before I jump into generalities. I grew up in a stable home. No dysfunction, or no more dysfunction than is found in typical families. I had a happy childhood. But I was a loner for the most part. I did have friends, but a lot of times, when I got a good friend they moved away. Or they started playing with other kids. I was bullied in elementary school (sound familiar?) because I wasn't that typical boy and didn't do typical boy things, and wasn't good at sports. Picked last on the team, beamed by the ball at dodgeball -- you name it, it happened to me. I was a crybaby -- don't know why I did, but the waterworks opened uncontrollably without warning and oftentimes for no great reason. And the things I where I excelled were things that weren't manly back in the 1970s, like cooking and baking.
As the years went by, I did find my niche among other kids. I stopped dressing like a nerd and had friends. We weren't the most popular kids at school, but I held my own and didn't get picked on any more except by one or two bozos. I learned to play the bagpipes in my 20s, and bonded with a pretty wild bunch of guys -- it takes a lot of balls to wear a kilt in public, and don't mess with a group of rowdy pipers. We carry knives. I learned to weave and work with textiles -- and felt guilty that those things that I liked to do weren't manly enough. It took years before I realized that weaving is okay, and that most professional weavers were men.
How do boots reflect my struggle with Masculinity? When I was younger, I fell in love with boots because of their rough manliness. I remember finding a pair of my dad's rubber boots in the basement one day when I was about 5 and putting them on, and suddenly feeling more manly. I have talked about getting my first pair of cowboy boots in a previous guest blog. When I put them on, I felt more manly too.
Maybe this whole tale hits a nerve with some of you. Maybe not. But I think we all try as men to be the best men that we can be, regardless of sexuality or whatever. We all struggle with that ideal picture of the great testoterone-filled Alpha Male that we wish we were. Society's latest penchant for male-bashing doesn't help, either.
It isn't bad to wear boots or leather or whatever if it makes you more in touch with Masculinity. But don't let that dreamed-up image overcome reality.
So, we press on.
Be who you are, and be proud of who you are.
Something to ponder in your own struggles in this thing called life...
Note from BHD: thanks again to my friend for sharing great insights and sharing some more photos of his great boot collection. Return to this blog tomorrow for my thoughts on this matter.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Chill!
Guest blog post by BHD's twin brother, J
Okay, bro, I'm joining in, too, and then we will let you take your blog back tomorrow. (giggle.)
You say "life is short" then give a little quip about what the particular posts means. To me, life is short and you show us how to live. How to really live. Your exuberance is exhausting, man! I don't know how anyone can do all the things that you do and still get 8 hours of sleep each night, take care of your partner, your senior friends, your home, and still appear at a public hearing now and again... board meetings, community events, and so forth and so on.
Embracing life is a wonder, and I wonder each day about it. I wake each morning and ask, "what would my brother do?" ... then add three more things on my "to-do" list! (Smile.) Seriously, you have taught me how to make priorities to engage in things that I might not have done otherwise -- outside of work, of course!
Meanwhile, I have one strong recommendation for you: Chill! Go sit out in your backyard park with your partner, lie on the hammock, and just chill.
You were telling me the other day that you have picked up two more seniors in your cadre to care for. It's not the same as taking care of our beloved aunt, and I know you are trying to fill the hole left after her death. But you need to take care of you. Go ride your Harley, take a walk with your partner, read a book. But not all at once as you are wont to do! Chill!
Meanwhile, I'll embrace your joy and how you love to live, and share it with us.
Loving you from afar, ore e sempre. J.
Okay, bro, I'm joining in, too, and then we will let you take your blog back tomorrow. (giggle.)
You say "life is short" then give a little quip about what the particular posts means. To me, life is short and you show us how to live. How to really live. Your exuberance is exhausting, man! I don't know how anyone can do all the things that you do and still get 8 hours of sleep each night, take care of your partner, your senior friends, your home, and still appear at a public hearing now and again... board meetings, community events, and so forth and so on.
Embracing life is a wonder, and I wonder each day about it. I wake each morning and ask, "what would my brother do?" ... then add three more things on my "to-do" list! (Smile.) Seriously, you have taught me how to make priorities to engage in things that I might not have done otherwise -- outside of work, of course!
Meanwhile, I have one strong recommendation for you: Chill! Go sit out in your backyard park with your partner, lie on the hammock, and just chill.
You were telling me the other day that you have picked up two more seniors in your cadre to care for. It's not the same as taking care of our beloved aunt, and I know you are trying to fill the hole left after her death. But you need to take care of you. Go ride your Harley, take a walk with your partner, read a book. But not all at once as you are wont to do! Chill!
Meanwhile, I'll embrace your joy and how you love to live, and share it with us.
Loving you from afar, ore e sempre. J.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Fire Guy Responds
Not to be left out, my local Community Hero has written the following piece as a guest blog for me. Thanks, buddy. I value and appreciate your contributions to our community and its safety, and our long and enduring friendship.
-----------------------
Call me "Fire Guy." I work in the Fire Department that serves the county where BHD lives. I've known BHD for a long time. We have worked together on a lot of community projects over the years -- mostly on senior citizen home safety projects.
He calls me his "Community Hero." Actually, BHD is MY Community Hero. This is what he has done for us:
1) He speaks up and attends a lot of public hearings when issues related to our Department are on the block. He continues to communicate behind the scenes with elected leaders in our county, never letting them forget what he (and our Department) consider to be important.
2) He advocates for legislation that helps residents of our County be safe -- from home fire sprinkler systems (like he has in his home) to fire drills in businesses to safety checks for kids' car seats -- he's always someone we can rely on to keep the focus on these important matters. I'm not allowed to "lobby," but since BHD knows all these people from his long service in our County, it's nothing for him to pick up the phone and get these people on the line, and passionately articulate the finer details so we get the support we need. I haven't seen anyone who serves purely as a caring citizen-volunteer do that better.
3) He voluntarily leads a "home fix-up for safety" effort twice a year. Over the past 12 years, his work has led to over 1,100 homes of seniors have improvements installed so they can live there more safely. He gets donations to provide better lighting, new smoke alarms, CO detectors, non-slip mats for the bath, grab-bars, and similar things for people. He has raised over $90,000 in donations to support this work, which is an amazing feat. (He claims he's not a fundraiser. Ha!)
BHD calls me his "community hero" because I go around and give fire safety talks, work with local fire departments to train them on how to do fire safety education with kids and the community, and keep our Facebook and Twitter feeds up-to-date with relevant information. He frequently comments on my Facebook posts to strengthen our Department's message.
To me, he's the true hero. He does this because, as he says, the paybacks are two things: knowing seniors and the community are more safe, and also for the smiles. He says that a smile is worth more than anything he could be paid in dollars.
I have read his blog and the posts over the last few days, and asked him if I could join in. So here I am, paying tribute to my Community Hero. Thanks for all you do!
----------------
Closing note from BHD: I did not edit what is written above, though I wanted to take out some of the superlatives. Honestly, I am not all that. I am honored to work closely with a man who does so much in service for our county and our community. I think we make a great team. Thanks again, my friend. See you soon!
-----------------------
Call me "Fire Guy." I work in the Fire Department that serves the county where BHD lives. I've known BHD for a long time. We have worked together on a lot of community projects over the years -- mostly on senior citizen home safety projects.
He calls me his "Community Hero." Actually, BHD is MY Community Hero. This is what he has done for us:
1) He speaks up and attends a lot of public hearings when issues related to our Department are on the block. He continues to communicate behind the scenes with elected leaders in our county, never letting them forget what he (and our Department) consider to be important.
2) He advocates for legislation that helps residents of our County be safe -- from home fire sprinkler systems (like he has in his home) to fire drills in businesses to safety checks for kids' car seats -- he's always someone we can rely on to keep the focus on these important matters. I'm not allowed to "lobby," but since BHD knows all these people from his long service in our County, it's nothing for him to pick up the phone and get these people on the line, and passionately articulate the finer details so we get the support we need. I haven't seen anyone who serves purely as a caring citizen-volunteer do that better.
3) He voluntarily leads a "home fix-up for safety" effort twice a year. Over the past 12 years, his work has led to over 1,100 homes of seniors have improvements installed so they can live there more safely. He gets donations to provide better lighting, new smoke alarms, CO detectors, non-slip mats for the bath, grab-bars, and similar things for people. He has raised over $90,000 in donations to support this work, which is an amazing feat. (He claims he's not a fundraiser. Ha!)
BHD calls me his "community hero" because I go around and give fire safety talks, work with local fire departments to train them on how to do fire safety education with kids and the community, and keep our Facebook and Twitter feeds up-to-date with relevant information. He frequently comments on my Facebook posts to strengthen our Department's message.
To me, he's the true hero. He does this because, as he says, the paybacks are two things: knowing seniors and the community are more safe, and also for the smiles. He says that a smile is worth more than anything he could be paid in dollars.
I have read his blog and the posts over the last few days, and asked him if I could join in. So here I am, paying tribute to my Community Hero. Thanks for all you do!
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Closing note from BHD: I did not edit what is written above, though I wanted to take out some of the superlatives. Honestly, I am not all that. I am honored to work closely with a man who does so much in service for our county and our community. I think we make a great team. Thanks again, my friend. See you soon!
Friday, April 8, 2011
A Motor Officer's Story
This is a guest blog post by a motorcycle police officer who works in a county sheriff's office in a U.S. southern state. He wrote to me two years ago to ask some questions, and then noticed my "writer's block" post a few days ago, and wrote to me again. He contributed the following post to appear on this blog.
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My name is ... well ... it doesn't matter. Call me Officer X. I have been serving the citizens of my community for ten years, and have been riding a motor for the past seven. It's not easy work. Lots of hostility sometimes when I write a cite, but as an officer whose blog both BHD and I follow says, "if you got stopped, you deserve it."
I found BHD's website when I was searching for information on why my Dehner boots hurt my ankles when I wore them. I discovered -- after the fact, of course -- that Dehner boots need to be broken in manually by bending them at the ankle to get a straight crease BEFORE putting them on. I found that out on BHD's website and his blog.
I asked him some questions a few years ago, and appreciated the informative and cordial response. I haven't written to him since ... until the other day ... but have been following his blog since I found it.
I have a wife, three kids, a dog, and another child on the way. It's fun being a father. It is also interesting to serve as a motor officer. But you can find out about that in other places on the web, on blogs, and such. What I'm saying is that I am a straight guy; yet, I find BHD's blog informative, interesting, eye-opening sometimes, and helps me understand what a life is like being a gay man in a straight environment. There were a lot of things that I wasn't aware of. I think his blog has helped me serve the citizens where I live, gay or straight.
BHD asked me to answer some questions. Here goes:
1. What do you think about the boots and uniform?
I like to wear a uniform. Sharp, clean, pressed, with shined boots. Comes from my background in the military. I get perturbed when I see fellow motor officers with dirty, crappy boots. It makes them look like they don't care about their appearance. Otherwise, I don't think about it very much. It's what I wear. The boots are a requirement. I like to wear them, but when I get home, the boots come off, get cleaned and shined, and then I put my sneakers on and go play with the kiddos.
2. How many pairs of boots do you have?
I have 3 pairs of motorboots. I get a new pair every year (except this year because of budget cutbacks). I wear older boots when I am on traffic duty, especially in bad weather and when I am stuck in a cruiser instead of on my motor. I wear my newest boots when I have escort duty or in court. I don't own any other boots. (Sorry, BHD, I don't wear boots off the job.)
3. What do you do with your old boots?
Throw them away. By the time I toss them out, they're trashed. While BHD has told me that there would be a market for "cop worn boots" ... I'm not into that, and I don't want to deal with ebay or having strangers contact me about my boots. No way.
4. What manufacturer of boots do you prefer?
I like Dehner boots, but as BHD said, Dehner boots get damaged easily. I ride a Harley and there are times when the bike's exhaust pipes have melted the side of the right boot. Never happens to the left. My Department will buy regular Dehners for me. I have also worn Chippewa motorboots. They're fine, but the leather seems to be thinner and they wrinkle and sag at the ankles. I don't like that. My Department doesn't allow engineer boots, so I don't have any of those chippewa high shine boots that BHD has.
5. Do you ride a personal motorcycle?
I had one, then the kids came along and my wife "suggested" that I get rid of it. I wasn't riding it very much, so I sold it. Other officers in my unit have personal bikes. I seem to be carting the kids around in the minivan a lot these days, anyway. No time to ride when I'm not on duty.
6. Last question: you said that you learned something from reading my blog. What did you learn?
Lots of things... I guess first of all, not all gay men are prissy. No really, that's what I thought for a long time. I'm being honest. Seriously, though, I learned that there is embedded discrimination in the law. I am a man of the law, and enforce it. The laws I enforce are not about gay things, but being a servant of the law, I have learned that some laws force some people to have to deal with things that hurt them. That bothers me. Like BHD can't get his partner's health insurance coverage like my wife can. BHD's partner may have an inheritance tax if he outlives him, where my wife automatically gets the house and our assets tax-free if I die before she does. Things like that. It's not fair. I'm all about fairness.
Another thing that I learned is that people are people and everyone is different. I knew that, of course, all along, but I had some misconceptions and held stereotypes about gay men. Like many people, I called them "gays" until I realized the term is insulting. BHD has done well to explain how labeling hurts.
I didn't know any gay people and didn't know much about them. Then I found out that two guys in our Department are gay. They act like BHD does -- just regular guys. I had thought that if we had any gay cops, they would wash out during training or say or do things that would be noticeably ... well ... "gay." I learned how to look past the stereotypes and look at people for who they are, not for behaviors I might have been told (incorrectly) to expect from gay men. And my fellow cops who are gay will have my back and I'll have theirs -- first they are trained officers. Being gay has nothing to do with it. (I have had to sit some of my fellow officers down and explain that.)
Through this blog, I learned that the lifestyle isn't about being gay. BHD's lifestyle is being a decent, honest, hard-working, and caring man. Someone I'd like to have as a neighbor. So to sum up, I learned that there isn't a "gay lifestyle" as others have said. This newer understanding about people (gay or straight, black or white or whatever) got me appointed to a special Task Force in our County that draws together reps from county agencies with reps of various groups so we can understand each other better and suggest policy changes. (You didn't know that, did you BHD?) I enjoy it.
Thanks BHD for the information that you provide, and for the dialogue.
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Closing note from BHD: thank you, Officer X, for this great blog post and for answering my questions publicly. You embarrassed me a little bit, but thanks for the compliment on my character. I'd like to have you as a neighbor, too. Congratulations on your appointment to the community Task Force. Your attitude is spot on for this assignment. Ride safe, and thank YOU very much for your service.
-----------------
My name is ... well ... it doesn't matter. Call me Officer X. I have been serving the citizens of my community for ten years, and have been riding a motor for the past seven. It's not easy work. Lots of hostility sometimes when I write a cite, but as an officer whose blog both BHD and I follow says, "if you got stopped, you deserve it."
I found BHD's website when I was searching for information on why my Dehner boots hurt my ankles when I wore them. I discovered -- after the fact, of course -- that Dehner boots need to be broken in manually by bending them at the ankle to get a straight crease BEFORE putting them on. I found that out on BHD's website and his blog.
I asked him some questions a few years ago, and appreciated the informative and cordial response. I haven't written to him since ... until the other day ... but have been following his blog since I found it.
I have a wife, three kids, a dog, and another child on the way. It's fun being a father. It is also interesting to serve as a motor officer. But you can find out about that in other places on the web, on blogs, and such. What I'm saying is that I am a straight guy; yet, I find BHD's blog informative, interesting, eye-opening sometimes, and helps me understand what a life is like being a gay man in a straight environment. There were a lot of things that I wasn't aware of. I think his blog has helped me serve the citizens where I live, gay or straight.
BHD asked me to answer some questions. Here goes:
1. What do you think about the boots and uniform?
I like to wear a uniform. Sharp, clean, pressed, with shined boots. Comes from my background in the military. I get perturbed when I see fellow motor officers with dirty, crappy boots. It makes them look like they don't care about their appearance. Otherwise, I don't think about it very much. It's what I wear. The boots are a requirement. I like to wear them, but when I get home, the boots come off, get cleaned and shined, and then I put my sneakers on and go play with the kiddos.
2. How many pairs of boots do you have?
I have 3 pairs of motorboots. I get a new pair every year (except this year because of budget cutbacks). I wear older boots when I am on traffic duty, especially in bad weather and when I am stuck in a cruiser instead of on my motor. I wear my newest boots when I have escort duty or in court. I don't own any other boots. (Sorry, BHD, I don't wear boots off the job.)
3. What do you do with your old boots?
Throw them away. By the time I toss them out, they're trashed. While BHD has told me that there would be a market for "cop worn boots" ... I'm not into that, and I don't want to deal with ebay or having strangers contact me about my boots. No way.
4. What manufacturer of boots do you prefer?
I like Dehner boots, but as BHD said, Dehner boots get damaged easily. I ride a Harley and there are times when the bike's exhaust pipes have melted the side of the right boot. Never happens to the left. My Department will buy regular Dehners for me. I have also worn Chippewa motorboots. They're fine, but the leather seems to be thinner and they wrinkle and sag at the ankles. I don't like that. My Department doesn't allow engineer boots, so I don't have any of those chippewa high shine boots that BHD has.
5. Do you ride a personal motorcycle?
I had one, then the kids came along and my wife "suggested" that I get rid of it. I wasn't riding it very much, so I sold it. Other officers in my unit have personal bikes. I seem to be carting the kids around in the minivan a lot these days, anyway. No time to ride when I'm not on duty.
6. Last question: you said that you learned something from reading my blog. What did you learn?
Lots of things... I guess first of all, not all gay men are prissy. No really, that's what I thought for a long time. I'm being honest. Seriously, though, I learned that there is embedded discrimination in the law. I am a man of the law, and enforce it. The laws I enforce are not about gay things, but being a servant of the law, I have learned that some laws force some people to have to deal with things that hurt them. That bothers me. Like BHD can't get his partner's health insurance coverage like my wife can. BHD's partner may have an inheritance tax if he outlives him, where my wife automatically gets the house and our assets tax-free if I die before she does. Things like that. It's not fair. I'm all about fairness.
Another thing that I learned is that people are people and everyone is different. I knew that, of course, all along, but I had some misconceptions and held stereotypes about gay men. Like many people, I called them "gays" until I realized the term is insulting. BHD has done well to explain how labeling hurts.
I didn't know any gay people and didn't know much about them. Then I found out that two guys in our Department are gay. They act like BHD does -- just regular guys. I had thought that if we had any gay cops, they would wash out during training or say or do things that would be noticeably ... well ... "gay." I learned how to look past the stereotypes and look at people for who they are, not for behaviors I might have been told (incorrectly) to expect from gay men. And my fellow cops who are gay will have my back and I'll have theirs -- first they are trained officers. Being gay has nothing to do with it. (I have had to sit some of my fellow officers down and explain that.)
Through this blog, I learned that the lifestyle isn't about being gay. BHD's lifestyle is being a decent, honest, hard-working, and caring man. Someone I'd like to have as a neighbor. So to sum up, I learned that there isn't a "gay lifestyle" as others have said. This newer understanding about people (gay or straight, black or white or whatever) got me appointed to a special Task Force in our County that draws together reps from county agencies with reps of various groups so we can understand each other better and suggest policy changes. (You didn't know that, did you BHD?) I enjoy it.
Thanks BHD for the information that you provide, and for the dialogue.
---------------------
Closing note from BHD: thank you, Officer X, for this great blog post and for answering my questions publicly. You embarrassed me a little bit, but thanks for the compliment on my character. I'd like to have you as a neighbor, too. Congratulations on your appointment to the community Task Force. Your attitude is spot on for this assignment. Ride safe, and thank YOU very much for your service.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A Booted Man in an Unbooted State
This is a guest blog post written by a man with whom I have been exchanging email for a while. He has written to me about some of the posts on this blog which he told me have been both informative and some have been amusing (like my "amusing google search" posts that appear from time to time.) He's a teacher and enjoys wearing boots, but in a U.S. state where few men wear cowboy boots on a regular basis. The photos with this post are pictures of some of the boots in his personal collection. Here's his story.
By: The Only Booted Man in Town
I am a nonconformist by nature. I hate doing what other people do, and despise doing things because they are trendy. Maybe that’s part of why I wear cowboy boots in a part of the country where most guys don't.
But there's more to it than that. Let me get on the leather couch for a minute and relax, and let my mind wander to the past. Ahh, there we go.
Here is my bootman story.
When I was in high school, cowboy boots were cool for guys. We were just coming off the "Urban Cowboy" thing, and boots were all over the place. Except on my feet.
I was a nerd by nature, and not well-respected by my peers. I was shy as well, which didn't help things. Yet I lusted after a pair of boots. Don't know why. Just really liked them. Finally right before Christmas, my mom and I were in the mall browsing around. We passed a display of cowboy boots in one of the stores. Looking at them, I thought, "Man. Do I actually ask for a pair?" I did. That Christmas morning I found a pair of new boots under the tree. I was in love. I put them on and wouldn't take them off. Now as I look back, I think, man, those things were terrible. They were made by Fortina in Brazil, tan, with buck stitching on the side. They had two-inch stacked heels, and really were not that great to walk in, but I loved them nonetheless. I wore and wore those things. I still have them and occasionally still do wear them. Did I become the most popular guy in school? No. But girls still did notice them, which is more than what had happened to me before. I kind of liked being a couple of inches taller (once I learned how to walk in them.)
Other trends happened. Boots were replaced by Jazz Oxfords (ick), and my beloved pair of cowboy boots sat in the closet. But I couldn't get rid of them. So I kept them. High school turned in to college and grad school. Marriage and two sons happened. And yet those boots sat in the closet. My wife even asked me once, "How come you never wear your kickers?"
Then, out of the blue, one day, I put them on. And fell in love all over again. I was that couple of inches taller, walked a little prouder, felt a little more manly. Hmmm…. I wonder if there are any cowboy boots on ebay. Let me look here for a minute.
Alakazam. Boot Acquisition Disorder (BAD) hit really hard. Before I knew it, I owned over 35 pairs. Yes, a modest collection by bootman standards, but a lot for me. I have more shoes than my wife! I wore them every day at home and around town. At first I was self-conscious. Too gay, I thought. Too manly. Too whatever. I googled "are cowboy boots gay" and ended up a BHD's website (yes, BHD, I was one of "those guys" with the weird google questions). Slowly, but surely, I stopped being so self-conscious about them and wore them in different places, like the junior high school where I work. That took a lot of guts. At first there were a few comments, some by kids, some by male teachers, but they have stopped. (Where’s your horse, pardner?) Now boots are a bit of a trademark with me.
That's the story. But why? Why do I wear cowboy boots here in the North country where we are thousands of miles away from the South and the West?
Part of it is that they are masculine. I am a quiet man by nature, and definitely not a jock. Can't throw a football worth a damn. I'd rather work with textiles than power tools. Never even learned to ride a bike. But I love to ride horses. English, though. Not Western. Go figure.
Part of it is the fact that not everybody else around here wears them. I kid that I am the only booted man in town. And for the most part I am. I am also only one of two men in town with a handlebar mustache. But who cares?
I wear them because I like them. I wear them because they are comfortable. I wear them partly for the Marlboro man mystique. I wear them because my wife likes it when I wear them. I wear them too because they represent independence, individuality, and strength.
Most of all, I wear them because I am me.
So there, in a nutshell, is why I wear cowboy boots.
By: The Only Booted Man in Town
I am a nonconformist by nature. I hate doing what other people do, and despise doing things because they are trendy. Maybe that’s part of why I wear cowboy boots in a part of the country where most guys don't.
Here is my bootman story.
When I was in high school, cowboy boots were cool for guys. We were just coming off the "Urban Cowboy" thing, and boots were all over the place. Except on my feet.
I was a nerd by nature, and not well-respected by my peers. I was shy as well, which didn't help things. Yet I lusted after a pair of boots. Don't know why. Just really liked them. Finally right before Christmas, my mom and I were in the mall browsing around. We passed a display of cowboy boots in one of the stores. Looking at them, I thought, "Man. Do I actually ask for a pair?" I did. That Christmas morning I found a pair of new boots under the tree. I was in love. I put them on and wouldn't take them off. Now as I look back, I think, man, those things were terrible. They were made by Fortina in Brazil, tan, with buck stitching on the side. They had two-inch stacked heels, and really were not that great to walk in, but I loved them nonetheless. I wore and wore those things. I still have them and occasionally still do wear them. Did I become the most popular guy in school? No. But girls still did notice them, which is more than what had happened to me before. I kind of liked being a couple of inches taller (once I learned how to walk in them.)
Then, out of the blue, one day, I put them on. And fell in love all over again. I was that couple of inches taller, walked a little prouder, felt a little more manly. Hmmm…. I wonder if there are any cowboy boots on ebay. Let me look here for a minute.Alakazam. Boot Acquisition Disorder (BAD) hit really hard. Before I knew it, I owned over 35 pairs. Yes, a modest collection by bootman standards, but a lot for me. I have more shoes than my wife! I wore them every day at home and around town. At first I was self-conscious. Too gay, I thought. Too manly. Too whatever. I googled "are cowboy boots gay" and ended up a BHD's website (yes, BHD, I was one of "those guys" with the weird google questions). Slowly, but surely, I stopped being so self-conscious about them and wore them in different places, like the junior high school where I work. That took a lot of guts. At first there were a few comments, some by kids, some by male teachers, but they have stopped. (Where’s your horse, pardner?) Now boots are a bit of a trademark with me.
Part of it is that they are masculine. I am a quiet man by nature, and definitely not a jock. Can't throw a football worth a damn. I'd rather work with textiles than power tools. Never even learned to ride a bike. But I love to ride horses. English, though. Not Western. Go figure.
I wear them because I like them. I wear them because they are comfortable. I wear them partly for the Marlboro man mystique. I wear them because my wife likes it when I wear them. I wear them too because they represent independence, individuality, and strength.
Most of all, I wear them because I am me.
So there, in a nutshell, is why I wear cowboy boots.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Marriage Is Postponed
There were many articles about this decision that appeared in various media outlets and political blogs. I also read many messages about it from some Delegates who represent areas of the county where my partner and I have our home.
The only good news, if there is good news, is that the bill was referred back to Committee, so it can come up again in the House next year and not have to be re-introduced and go through our State Senate again. Just because it passed in our Senate this year doesn't mean that it will next year. Elected leaders change minds sometimes.
After reading through the wailing and the political stuff, what became apparent is that the reason why the bill didn't pass our House of Delegates was last-minute pressure put on Delegates who serve a county south of us, whose population is predominantly African American, many of whom belong to organized megachurches. While this bill was never a religious matter -- in fact it's title and content called it, "Religious Freedom and Protection" because it clearly stated that a religious institution did not have to conduct same-sex marriages if it didn't want to -- nonetheless, the members of what the media describes as "Black Megachurches" became active on the matter when our State Senate passed the bill. The church members took that action as a "wake-up call" and began calling and visiting their Delegates, telling them to oppose the bill.
This puzzled me, but after looking into it, and with the help of a good friend who is much more knowledgable on these issues than I am, I learned what happened and why it happened. My friend wrote me an explanative piece which I would like to feature, below, as a guest blog post. Read on.
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I had very high hopes for a positive outcome and it saddens me that once again our rights have been denied in the name of Christianity. I have to remember that the fight for civil rights is an ongoing struggle. Thanks for thinking of me as you wrestle with this matter. As one who grew up in the black church and with family members who have been very active and have led churches, I think I can shed some light. There are several points that come to mind.
By and large, black churches are represented by evangelical denominations that focus on a literal and conservative interpretation of the Bible and believe the words written there were not influenced by those societies and are timeless.
Historically, Baptist and Methodist denominations have been most influential in establishing black churches throughout the country from the era of slavery through Jim Crow. Maryland, Virginia, and other southern states with large slave populations were fertile grounds to these denominations. In my experience, these dominations believe in a literal Biblical interpretation. Each will point to the clobber passages, the verses about Sodom and Gamorrah, and Paul's writing in the New Testament to say that homosexuality is a sin. Combine that with the evangelical position that to be a true Christian you must denounce sin and ask God to change your sinful nature, you have a recipe that doesn't allow room for the consideration that homosexuality is another variant of human sexuality, and no more or less sinful than heterosexuality. Once you are baptized, by full immersion, you are a "new creature" who is expected to reject your sinful past and embraces everything holy.
When I was growing up in the 60s and 70s, it used to be common practice for churches to require young women who became pregnant out of wedlock, to come to the front of the church to apologize to the congregation for ther sin. In fact, about 10 years ago a cousin my age did just that at the church her father pastored in Tennessee. It was only after she did so that she was considered to be fully repentant of that sin. I'm sure my uncle took that memory to his grave feeling that he could rest easily. So, it's not that homosexuality is a greater sin than any other, it's just that, like pregnancy out of wedlock, it's readily observable, easily identified, and in the mind of the devoute, the result of willful behavior.
I give that example to show the conservative nature of many black churches in rigid belief systems that tend to make no allowance for any position that does not fit squarely into what a literal interpretation of the Bible affords. It's not just their belief that we as gays are sinners, but that we're unrepentant sinners that forces them to fight so diligently against our rights. They truly believe that if we just stop the sinning, there will be no need for special rights and considerations.
What LGBT organizations have to learn is that marriage equality will never be seen by these types of black churches as a civil rights issue until they can demonstrate that black LGBT families suffer disproportionately when these rights are not preserved.
Marriage says to my employer that my spouse is covered by my health benefits with no questions asked. Even a progressive employer might provide benefits for my partner, but as you know, they're taxed. That represents less money for basic necessities for your family. Couple that with the fact that black households typically earn less than white households, you begin to demonstrate the unfairness that not having marriage equality produces.
I took a look at the website of your state's LGBT-serving organization and my suspicions were confirmed. They suffer from a lack of diversity that make them appear to be an organization interested only in the rights of middle and upper middle class white gays and lesbians -- a population that's very foreign to the black church community. So, at first glance, gay marriage is not a issue of concern for the black community.
The role of the black megachurches in Maryland can be seen as comparable to the Jerry Falwell Christian Right of the Reagan era. The Maryland Delegates were no fools in not ignoring their voices. Megachurches have million dollar budgets and the loyal financial support of thousands of congregants. The black church teaches the principle of tithing. So, devout members regardless of income, willingly offer 10 percent of earnings each Sunday morning. The message to a Delegate is that he can either listen to this voice, or be replaced in the next election by someone who will. Harry Jackson has said as much in a recent statement.
So, where does this leave us? Will the black church move to a more inclusive stance? It's doubtful as long as it holds steadfastly to its evangelical stance. I wrote to you earlier this year that I have become an Episcopalian. In addition to being a gay affirming and welcoming denomination, for the most part, the church's history of facing and working through its race, LGBT, and gender issues is very appealing to me. There will be hope for black churches when they go the same exercise and realize that welcoming those who only look, think, and behave like you isn't what you've been called upon to do. Many seem to have forgotten that those Jesus associated with were those on the fringes of society...tax collectors, lepers, non-Jews, and women. And those he had the harshest lessons for were the religious.
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I appreciate my friend's knowledge and insights which help me to understand what needs to be done next year. The battle ain't over by a long shot, and some day, I will stand in a civil proceeding in my state and look my partner in the eye, and say, "I Do."
Life is short: let us marry.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A Brother's Observations
Note from BHD's twin brother (I go by "J"): I have hijacked my brother's blog again, so while he said that "my regular postings" will resume tomorrow, I have changed that.
Brother:
When you called me from the hospital just a few moments after Aunt Lee died, you sounded stoic, but just about to lose it. I listened to you say, "don't fly back; it'll cost too much; Lee's sons will be here; my partner is here with me; our other siblings who live around here will be here; I'll be alright."
Bull, brother. I know you. I could feel your heart breaking all the way in Paris, where I work and live.
I got on the very next flight that I could, and with weather delays and whatnot, I didn't get to your house until midnight on Friday night.
Why were you shocked to see me? I am your brother, your TWIN brother. I love you. You lost someone who you cared for so very deeply, the least I could do was be by your side.
After you regained your composure from finding me at your door, and gave your partner some resuscitation (he was as surprised as you were), we rested. Then I watched you through the weekend, and here is what I observed:
* Your partner loves you so much. He was so tender, thoughtful, and caring in all matters and in all ways in what he does for you. He has the best ability to listen and to act, without even speaking a word. He can read you better than I can. He effortlessly guided you as you made arrangements for Lee's party, knowing how forgetful you get sometimes. He was right there, reading your mind, and executing your thoughts. Gosh, I wish my wife and I achieve that deep level of understanding each other.
* You continue to say, "I'm alright, I'm alright," but you are not alright. You are grieving. Understandably so. You say, "she died quickly, without pain or suffering, and she was able to stay in her own home for so long with such a great quality of life." Yes, that's true, but you watched her die. That hurt. It had to hurt. But what I observed about how you were able to talk about her last moments is seeing your faith. You have deep faith that you called to strengthen you while you told Lee's sons that their mother's death was dignified and peaceful. You can attest to that, as you witnessed it. Your faith is deep, personal, and abiding. I respect it very much.
* You are strong and you held others up, but this is a big deal for you, so you need to let us help you and surround you with the love and support you need. Our helping you helps us.
* Your senior citizen friends love you. Their appearance at that thank-you party to hug you and to sing for us was absolutely amazing. But you expected that. What you didn't expect was one of your friends showing up this morning on a ruse that she needed your help getting heavy groceries. Without batting an eye, you ran off to help -- then found a whole troupe of singers right at the store, assembled to sing "Amazing Grace" to you. Oh gosh how you cried (I knew this was going to happen, bro'), but how much you loved it. They love you and demonstrated that by their public display of affection. (So don't go bad-mouthing PDAs any more LOL!)
* You are seeking a way to fill a big hole in your life. Take time: listen, look, and feel. You will find your calling again. It will not be the same. It will not be as deep. But it will fit the character of the brother I love.
Thank you for all you have done, and who you are -- as a man, as a brother, as a nephew, and as a caregiver. I am so very happy you brought me over to see Aunt Lee when I came home for Christmas. We had such a great visit, thanks to you. You truly have no idea just how much we love you, and are here to support you. You will have your tough days dealing with this... remember, I'm right here, in your heart.
I am sorry that I have to leave in the morning. Know that when I say that "I am there for you," I always am. Always. Hell, I am your TWIN brother, and I cherish the man who is the best half of that egg that split.
Luv 'ya, big guy. Hang tough, but grieve for our beloved Aunt Lee. She was quite a woman, and you are quite a man.
PS: I hope you don't revoke my keys to your kingdom (that is, the access to this blog), since I wrote it after you went to bed on Sunday night so you will find it in the morning, then rearranged your other pre-written posts to appear a day later each.
Brother:
When you called me from the hospital just a few moments after Aunt Lee died, you sounded stoic, but just about to lose it. I listened to you say, "don't fly back; it'll cost too much; Lee's sons will be here; my partner is here with me; our other siblings who live around here will be here; I'll be alright."
Bull, brother. I know you. I could feel your heart breaking all the way in Paris, where I work and live.
I got on the very next flight that I could, and with weather delays and whatnot, I didn't get to your house until midnight on Friday night.
Why were you shocked to see me? I am your brother, your TWIN brother. I love you. You lost someone who you cared for so very deeply, the least I could do was be by your side.
After you regained your composure from finding me at your door, and gave your partner some resuscitation (he was as surprised as you were), we rested. Then I watched you through the weekend, and here is what I observed:
* Your partner loves you so much. He was so tender, thoughtful, and caring in all matters and in all ways in what he does for you. He has the best ability to listen and to act, without even speaking a word. He can read you better than I can. He effortlessly guided you as you made arrangements for Lee's party, knowing how forgetful you get sometimes. He was right there, reading your mind, and executing your thoughts. Gosh, I wish my wife and I achieve that deep level of understanding each other.
* You continue to say, "I'm alright, I'm alright," but you are not alright. You are grieving. Understandably so. You say, "she died quickly, without pain or suffering, and she was able to stay in her own home for so long with such a great quality of life." Yes, that's true, but you watched her die. That hurt. It had to hurt. But what I observed about how you were able to talk about her last moments is seeing your faith. You have deep faith that you called to strengthen you while you told Lee's sons that their mother's death was dignified and peaceful. You can attest to that, as you witnessed it. Your faith is deep, personal, and abiding. I respect it very much.
* You are strong and you held others up, but this is a big deal for you, so you need to let us help you and surround you with the love and support you need. Our helping you helps us.
* Your senior citizen friends love you. Their appearance at that thank-you party to hug you and to sing for us was absolutely amazing. But you expected that. What you didn't expect was one of your friends showing up this morning on a ruse that she needed your help getting heavy groceries. Without batting an eye, you ran off to help -- then found a whole troupe of singers right at the store, assembled to sing "Amazing Grace" to you. Oh gosh how you cried (I knew this was going to happen, bro'), but how much you loved it. They love you and demonstrated that by their public display of affection. (So don't go bad-mouthing PDAs any more LOL!)
* You are seeking a way to fill a big hole in your life. Take time: listen, look, and feel. You will find your calling again. It will not be the same. It will not be as deep. But it will fit the character of the brother I love.
Thank you for all you have done, and who you are -- as a man, as a brother, as a nephew, and as a caregiver. I am so very happy you brought me over to see Aunt Lee when I came home for Christmas. We had such a great visit, thanks to you. You truly have no idea just how much we love you, and are here to support you. You will have your tough days dealing with this... remember, I'm right here, in your heart.
I am sorry that I have to leave in the morning. Know that when I say that "I am there for you," I always am. Always. Hell, I am your TWIN brother, and I cherish the man who is the best half of that egg that split.
Luv 'ya, big guy. Hang tough, but grieve for our beloved Aunt Lee. She was quite a woman, and you are quite a man.
PS: I hope you don't revoke my keys to your kingdom (that is, the access to this blog), since I wrote it after you went to bed on Sunday night so you will find it in the morning, then rearranged your other pre-written posts to appear a day later each.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Observations From Frye Boot Fan
Note from BHD: This is the second of a two-part guest blog series from Frye Boot Fan. His previous post recalling how he got into wearing Fryes as a teen during the late '60s in suburban Washington, DC, is here (link). Below, he shares additional observations.
--------------------------------
Footwear historians note that in turbulent and unsettled times (wars, etc.), for centuries, the unconscious trend is towards substantial boots, as they make us feel safer and more protected than foot-revealing, light-weight, low shoes. It's all very psychological.
Look at that era, no more tumultuous or troubling times that I can think of in the 20th Century. As youngsters we lived in mortal fear of getting drafted and going to Vietnam, getting busted by "the pigs," having to run away, or just let our "boot heels go a-wandering" at a moment's notice to escape parents' authority (e.g. the series of Kay Lenz hippie-hitch-hiker-girl movies, 'Billy Jack', troubled teen flicks, etc.)
Too close to home--remember the skies glowing red all night from DC in flames in the 1968 riots following the assassination of Martin Luther King? It was pure trauma to suburban kids--boots afforded protection.
Until Fryes hit the scene, really, the only alternative were cowboy boots. Those were uncomfortable and bespoke red-neck culture. Where I lived, those guys were pretty hostile to long-hairs like us. We dallied with surplus store combat boots for a while. Those were "cool," but too grim a reminder of what might await us at 18--Vietnam service. Frye boots were just the right things at the right time for our generation. They were not hold-overs from any previous generation, not borrowed from another sub-culture--they belonged entirely to us. We made then culturally-charged icons, pure and simple, not a style with any stigmas to overcome like cowboy boots.
Dress has ever been all-defining. In the halcyon heydays of Fryes, for all of the propaganda about non-conformity and free-thinking, a more rigid and "uniform" dress code enforced by peer-pressure I cannot imagine than what we endured. Official public school dress codes mandating: neatly cropped hair, collared dress shirts, and prohibiting blue jeans, boots, etc. in the classroom had only just been rescinded in local junior and senior high schools in '67 or so, and this new-found freedom began the whole sartorial "fashionista" trend for school kids--the excesses of which are now causing a return to dress codes in U.S. public schools (nobody I heard of ever got killed over their Frye boots, as some have been for popular sneakers).
If period advertising is anything to go by, the current chronology of Frye styles is messed-up it seems to me. Frye marketing claimed that the "Campus" boot came "first" in the "mid-'60s", as a revival of some "1863" boot. I cannot find any ads for the "Campus" style until c.1973, even among the copycats like Sears, who only lagged a few months in ripping-off popular styles. Double H Boots' website says they came out with their "Snoot Boot"(TM) (harness) in direct competition with Frye, around '70-'71, but HH never copied the "Campus" style. The square snoot toe and harness, I think, came in first, but what year exactly? Some bloggers claim to have worn Frye harness boots to Woodstock (Aug. '69). Is there a really a pair shown in 'Easy Rider' (1969)? Maybe we need to look more closely at album cover photos of the day. Others say Jim Morrison (d. '71) wore Fryes to boost his height, but no reference to which exact style.
If my memory serves, the harness boots appeared on the suburban DC scene c.1970 at the earliest, and the Campus boot followed in c.1973. All of the Frye Co. ads I have found pre-1970 only show cowboy boots, and the older '40s-'50s ads shoe just the "Jet" boots, all mail-order only. My theory is, Frye underwent some changes when they decided to wholesale boots to retail stores, and that this coincided with the new styles of the harness and later the "Campus". The square toe harness style was quickly co-opted by long-hairs, and bikers, so Frye came out with the more clean-cut and neutral "Campus" style for the general youth market, by then trending towards bulbous toe shapes, thick platform soles and the straight chunky heels that reigned supreme during the Disco era. More research is needed here.
--------------------------
BHD comment: My recollections about Fryes are the same as my Guest Blogger's memories -- we grew up in the same geographic area, and are about the same age. Actually, I was just under the wire of having to register for the draft back in the day. I recall comments about "only rednecks wear boots" and thought those slurs were part of an ongoing repitoire of commentary that was hurled at me by other guys who picked on me -- typical grade-school bully stuff (though we were in high school at the time.) To me, I just liked to wear boots, and I did. I began back then to emerge as my own person, and with the encouragement of my family, I didn't let negative comments make me change my mind about what I chose to wear on my feet. Plus, having strong ties to Oklahoma, wearing cowboy boots in Maryland was a way to demonstrate some pride for my mother's family roots and my Choctaw blood.
One more word: I realize that about half of my blog visitors live elsewhere in the world, and do not know what a "redneck" is. That is a term for someone who works out in the hot sun, such as a farm worker. Thus, their neck would get red from sunburn. It was usually a term of reference to someone from the U.S. South, and in the north, calling someone a "redneck" was deemed an insult.
--------------------------------
Footwear historians note that in turbulent and unsettled times (wars, etc.), for centuries, the unconscious trend is towards substantial boots, as they make us feel safer and more protected than foot-revealing, light-weight, low shoes. It's all very psychological.
Look at that era, no more tumultuous or troubling times that I can think of in the 20th Century. As youngsters we lived in mortal fear of getting drafted and going to Vietnam, getting busted by "the pigs," having to run away, or just let our "boot heels go a-wandering" at a moment's notice to escape parents' authority (e.g. the series of Kay Lenz hippie-hitch-hiker-girl movies, 'Billy Jack', troubled teen flicks, etc.)
Too close to home--remember the skies glowing red all night from DC in flames in the 1968 riots following the assassination of Martin Luther King? It was pure trauma to suburban kids--boots afforded protection.
Until Fryes hit the scene, really, the only alternative were cowboy boots. Those were uncomfortable and bespoke red-neck culture. Where I lived, those guys were pretty hostile to long-hairs like us. We dallied with surplus store combat boots for a while. Those were "cool," but too grim a reminder of what might await us at 18--Vietnam service. Frye boots were just the right things at the right time for our generation. They were not hold-overs from any previous generation, not borrowed from another sub-culture--they belonged entirely to us. We made then culturally-charged icons, pure and simple, not a style with any stigmas to overcome like cowboy boots.
Dress has ever been all-defining. In the halcyon heydays of Fryes, for all of the propaganda about non-conformity and free-thinking, a more rigid and "uniform" dress code enforced by peer-pressure I cannot imagine than what we endured. Official public school dress codes mandating: neatly cropped hair, collared dress shirts, and prohibiting blue jeans, boots, etc. in the classroom had only just been rescinded in local junior and senior high schools in '67 or so, and this new-found freedom began the whole sartorial "fashionista" trend for school kids--the excesses of which are now causing a return to dress codes in U.S. public schools (nobody I heard of ever got killed over their Frye boots, as some have been for popular sneakers).
If period advertising is anything to go by, the current chronology of Frye styles is messed-up it seems to me. Frye marketing claimed that the "Campus" boot came "first" in the "mid-'60s", as a revival of some "1863" boot. I cannot find any ads for the "Campus" style until c.1973, even among the copycats like Sears, who only lagged a few months in ripping-off popular styles. Double H Boots' website says they came out with their "Snoot Boot"(TM) (harness) in direct competition with Frye, around '70-'71, but HH never copied the "Campus" style. The square snoot toe and harness, I think, came in first, but what year exactly? Some bloggers claim to have worn Frye harness boots to Woodstock (Aug. '69). Is there a really a pair shown in 'Easy Rider' (1969)? Maybe we need to look more closely at album cover photos of the day. Others say Jim Morrison (d. '71) wore Fryes to boost his height, but no reference to which exact style.
If my memory serves, the harness boots appeared on the suburban DC scene c.1970 at the earliest, and the Campus boot followed in c.1973. All of the Frye Co. ads I have found pre-1970 only show cowboy boots, and the older '40s-'50s ads shoe just the "Jet" boots, all mail-order only. My theory is, Frye underwent some changes when they decided to wholesale boots to retail stores, and that this coincided with the new styles of the harness and later the "Campus". The square toe harness style was quickly co-opted by long-hairs, and bikers, so Frye came out with the more clean-cut and neutral "Campus" style for the general youth market, by then trending towards bulbous toe shapes, thick platform soles and the straight chunky heels that reigned supreme during the Disco era. More research is needed here.
--------------------------
BHD comment: My recollections about Fryes are the same as my Guest Blogger's memories -- we grew up in the same geographic area, and are about the same age. Actually, I was just under the wire of having to register for the draft back in the day. I recall comments about "only rednecks wear boots" and thought those slurs were part of an ongoing repitoire of commentary that was hurled at me by other guys who picked on me -- typical grade-school bully stuff (though we were in high school at the time.) To me, I just liked to wear boots, and I did. I began back then to emerge as my own person, and with the encouragement of my family, I didn't let negative comments make me change my mind about what I chose to wear on my feet. Plus, having strong ties to Oklahoma, wearing cowboy boots in Maryland was a way to demonstrate some pride for my mother's family roots and my Choctaw blood.
One more word: I realize that about half of my blog visitors live elsewhere in the world, and do not know what a "redneck" is. That is a term for someone who works out in the hot sun, such as a farm worker. Thus, their neck would get red from sunburn. It was usually a term of reference to someone from the U.S. South, and in the north, calling someone a "redneck" was deemed an insult.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Frye-ography
Note from BHD: the following post was written by "Frye Boot Fan," a guy with whom I have been corresponding lately. He grew up in the same county that I did and during the same era, though we did not know each other. With his permission, I am posting his recollections of wearing boots in the late 60s and early 70s in the suburbs of Washington, DC, in one of the most wealthy counties in Maryland.
---------------------------------------
Cool boots were part and parcel with bell bottoms and the urge to grow long hair, none of which my parents would tolerate until I entered junior high in 1969. Junior High was a melting pot of diverse kid-tribes from several elementary schools -- [well-to-do Suburb A] with Bohemian [Suburb B] and blue collar and collarless [Suburb C] -- as diverse as the United Nations it seemed. The "freaks", proto-hippies in-training I fell in with; the "greasers" from the marchlands, plus the clan-less mass of collegiate clean-cut kids. These three tribes were known as "click, soul, and rock-n-roll," in reverse order given above, "click"=clean cuts, "soul"=greasers, and "rock-n-roll"=freaks.
Dress, musical tastes and overall demeanor defined one's tribe, and there was no inter-tribal fraternization, especially between freaks and greasers, amongst who there abided the greatest animosity. The "click" kids were seen largely viewed as potential recruits for both groups, though some of their more intrepid girls were fair game, dating into either tribe, but I digress. The "greasers" amused themselves with hot-rodding older buddies' '57 Chevys, wearing black leather blazers over white tee-shirts, or pastel yellow Banlon polo shirts; cuffed khaki trou worn too short in the legs, and black high-top "Chucks" (Converse All Star sneakers). They maintained '50ish coiffures with plenty of hair grease, hence the name I suppose. They listened to R&B soul music music, and hosted the occasional chain-fight rumble. Nobody messed with these dudes--bad news. The "freaks" of course listened to rock, formed garage and basement bands, chased hippie chicks in all their sartorial splendor, and discovered pot.
As 7th graders we of course looked to the 9th graders for fashion guidance in everything cool. They were two years ahead of us in hair growth, as they had fatigued their parents into accepting a level of hippie dress our parents were still resisting. This was soon to change as the pressure for hip back-to-school wardrobes and plummage was overwhelming, and parents relented in most cases. After assorted un-cool boots all my young years, the first cool boots I had to have were Flagg Brothers chocolate brown suede, back-zipped, pointed toe, 8" Beatle Boots, with an instep strap and antique brass buckle. These were pure crap, and only available from a Flagg Brothers store in the mall. With all the walking we did, in all sorts of nasty weather, one pair was blown-out in three months, but they started us on the road to that loose-fitting, clunkity-clunk heel walking soon perfected. The next boot du jour was a Jarman fashion boot, a pull-on, with a wide square toe, and likewise an instep strap and buckle. These came from a store at the mall too, and were as crap-tastically made as the Flagg Bros. fashion boots. Snoot toed harness boots, Fryes and cheaper Sears knock-offs for the kids on tighter budgets appeared on the scene overnight it seemed in late '69--or maybe for back-to-school in '70-'71.
My first pair were Frye, sans harness, snoot toed, antique stained reddish-brown color, with an added leather 1/2 sole in the front, 3 tacks across the toe and a few at the sides. These, like all my subsequent Fryes were bought at a Western Wear store in Washington, DC. Why mom drove all the way down there I have no idea. Now correctly Frye-booted, and in faded Levi's "Big Bells," frayed away at the back from being overly long and trodden under boot heels, from the waist down I was "cool" man! I recall Fryes cost $70 a pair then, a princely sum, so I only got one pair each year for back-to-school. Consequently, we devolved a taste for beat-up Fryes, to match our beat-up everything else. The 9D was too short, but the 9-1/2 D boots were always a bit sloppy on me, so the clunkity-clunk heel noise was accentuated. I ran the counters over badly, the heels down, and the snoot toes mushed into amorphous shapes after several months' hard wear. For us nothing was quite so cool unless it looked like it was about worn out--brand new Fryes were the exception, but they did not hold their shape for long. It amazes me how many vintage Fryes on Etsy and eBay today have managed to keep in such good shape, especially those snoot toes, as they were usually the first things to go soft.
In 8th grade pair #2, same again, but this time with the more dangerous harness--"Dingo Rings" we called 'em. During a favorite pastime--dodging gym class by feigning to have no gym clothes--the coach chided me: "if your mom can afford those expensive Frye boots, she can afford to buy you sneakers!" What an asshole he was--Fryes were cool, high top black Chucks for gym were greaser-gear.
The 9th grade was passed in the harness boot, but it was off to High School in a more daring saddle tan pair. When that pair were about shot I experimented pulling the heels off and wearing them that way. What a rube. It was back to basic antiqued reddish brown harness Fryes from then on, some with the 1/2 sole added, some without, whatever the store had on the shelf. After high school, more of the same. By then I discovered that an spare pack of smokes would slip down in the leg for those long weekend over-nights, parties, and forays with some exotic "B-Town girl" or another.
It seems nothing great lasts forever. My "last" Fryes were bought in 1977 for a trip to Britain, and it seems the snoot toed harness boot was being supplanted in local popularity, as well as the store stock selection, mostly by the dreaded "Campus" boot. This pair was an unappealing burgundy-red, with natural colored sole and heel edges, all of which I over-dyed black. After suffering shin splints because of the 2" chunky heel, I had the heels lowered. Other footwear was by then rotating through my young adult wardrobe, but that pair of Fryes held on in occasional wear, clumping through Austria, the Czech Republic, and the UK several times into the late 1990s. I finally made a gift of them to a 20-something pal who was obsessed with the '70s cultural revival and dress, and they are still going somewhere up in Connecticut. Interestingly those less than desirable broad blunt Campus toes, and the heel counters, held their shapes better than the 9 or 10 previous pair with snoot toes. The latter crushed down and looked every bit like the Campus toe eventually, but it was the principle of the thing. To me the Campus boot hinted of Disco music/culture (I deplored) and platform shoes, and they had none of the danger or cache of the harness with snoot toe in '70. Levi's stopped making those "Big Bells" by 1980, too, and I even cut my hair off short, at shoulder-length, and had it layered. What were we thinking?
The final chapter--I chanced upon some '90s vintage used Frye 9-1/2D harness boots in an antique shop in Pennsylvania about four years back, and bought them for $35. Oh how the mighty had fallen. The insoles were foam padded, and it took the heaviest socks I could find to even keep them on my feet, meaning they were cold weather boots at best. They were finally gifted to my '70s-obsessed young friend too. Last week on my birthday my wife presented me a nearly-new pair of saddle tan, 15" Campus Fryes, "Black Label", and I've been clunkity-clunking all over the house ever since, and scoping Etsy and eBay for some antiqued brown harness boots with snoot toes. The Campus boots still whisper Disco-era to me, and I need to go back to the headier days of Led Zeppelin, Zappa and the Stones, underground comics, and maybe some Levi's big bells, if I can find them in 33 waist now.
---------------------------------
Frye Boot Fan apologizes that the photos of him do not show him in his Fryes. Image blurred on purpose, to protect the identity of the guest blogger. If you wish to comment, you may do so with this post, and he will see it, or you may send me a message and I will forward it to him.
Be sure to read "Observations from a Frye Boot Fan" -- Part II of this guest blog series posted 24 January, 2011.
---------------------------------------
Dress, musical tastes and overall demeanor defined one's tribe, and there was no inter-tribal fraternization, especially between freaks and greasers, amongst who there abided the greatest animosity. The "click" kids were seen largely viewed as potential recruits for both groups, though some of their more intrepid girls were fair game, dating into either tribe, but I digress. The "greasers" amused themselves with hot-rodding older buddies' '57 Chevys, wearing black leather blazers over white tee-shirts, or pastel yellow Banlon polo shirts; cuffed khaki trou worn too short in the legs, and black high-top "Chucks" (Converse All Star sneakers). They maintained '50ish coiffures with plenty of hair grease, hence the name I suppose. They listened to R&B soul music music, and hosted the occasional chain-fight rumble. Nobody messed with these dudes--bad news. The "freaks" of course listened to rock, formed garage and basement bands, chased hippie chicks in all their sartorial splendor, and discovered pot.
My first pair were Frye, sans harness, snoot toed, antique stained reddish-brown color, with an added leather 1/2 sole in the front, 3 tacks across the toe and a few at the sides. These, like all my subsequent Fryes were bought at a Western Wear store in Washington, DC. Why mom drove all the way down there I have no idea. Now correctly Frye-booted, and in faded Levi's "Big Bells," frayed away at the back from being overly long and trodden under boot heels, from the waist down I was "cool" man! I recall Fryes cost $70 a pair then, a princely sum, so I only got one pair each year for back-to-school. Consequently, we devolved a taste for beat-up Fryes, to match our beat-up everything else. The 9D was too short, but the 9-1/2 D boots were always a bit sloppy on me, so the clunkity-clunk heel noise was accentuated. I ran the counters over badly, the heels down, and the snoot toes mushed into amorphous shapes after several months' hard wear. For us nothing was quite so cool unless it looked like it was about worn out--brand new Fryes were the exception, but they did not hold their shape for long. It amazes me how many vintage Fryes on Etsy and eBay today have managed to keep in such good shape, especially those snoot toes, as they were usually the first things to go soft.
In 8th grade pair #2, same again, but this time with the more dangerous harness--"Dingo Rings" we called 'em. During a favorite pastime--dodging gym class by feigning to have no gym clothes--the coach chided me: "if your mom can afford those expensive Frye boots, she can afford to buy you sneakers!" What an asshole he was--Fryes were cool, high top black Chucks for gym were greaser-gear.
It seems nothing great lasts forever. My "last" Fryes were bought in 1977 for a trip to Britain, and it seems the snoot toed harness boot was being supplanted in local popularity, as well as the store stock selection, mostly by the dreaded "Campus" boot. This pair was an unappealing burgundy-red, with natural colored sole and heel edges, all of which I over-dyed black. After suffering shin splints because of the 2" chunky heel, I had the heels lowered. Other footwear was by then rotating through my young adult wardrobe, but that pair of Fryes held on in occasional wear, clumping through Austria, the Czech Republic, and the UK several times into the late 1990s. I finally made a gift of them to a 20-something pal who was obsessed with the '70s cultural revival and dress, and they are still going somewhere up in Connecticut. Interestingly those less than desirable broad blunt Campus toes, and the heel counters, held their shapes better than the 9 or 10 previous pair with snoot toes. The latter crushed down and looked every bit like the Campus toe eventually, but it was the principle of the thing. To me the Campus boot hinted of Disco music/culture (I deplored) and platform shoes, and they had none of the danger or cache of the harness with snoot toe in '70. Levi's stopped making those "Big Bells" by 1980, too, and I even cut my hair off short, at shoulder-length, and had it layered. What were we thinking?
The final chapter--I chanced upon some '90s vintage used Frye 9-1/2D harness boots in an antique shop in Pennsylvania about four years back, and bought them for $35. Oh how the mighty had fallen. The insoles were foam padded, and it took the heaviest socks I could find to even keep them on my feet, meaning they were cold weather boots at best. They were finally gifted to my '70s-obsessed young friend too. Last week on my birthday my wife presented me a nearly-new pair of saddle tan, 15" Campus Fryes, "Black Label", and I've been clunkity-clunking all over the house ever since, and scoping Etsy and eBay for some antiqued brown harness boots with snoot toes. The Campus boots still whisper Disco-era to me, and I need to go back to the headier days of Led Zeppelin, Zappa and the Stones, underground comics, and maybe some Levi's big bells, if I can find them in 33 waist now.
---------------------------------
Frye Boot Fan apologizes that the photos of him do not show him in his Fryes. Image blurred on purpose, to protect the identity of the guest blogger. If you wish to comment, you may do so with this post, and he will see it, or you may send me a message and I will forward it to him.
Be sure to read "Observations from a Frye Boot Fan" -- Part II of this guest blog series posted 24 January, 2011.
Monday, December 6, 2010
A Brother's Wish
Guest blog by J, BHD's Twin Brother
My wife and I had an argument recently -- where to spend Christmas. We live in a little flat in Paris, France, where we work. Last year, we went to visit my brother, BHD, and see the family. I wanted to go back this year. My wife wanted to go to St. Tropez on the French Riviera, instead, and spend some time with two of her siblings who were also going to be there for Christmas.
Sure, it would be nice to take a holiday on the Riviera, but it's cold this time of year and it is extremely expensive. I very much want to come home to see my family and have an old-fashioned family Christmas.
What to do? I called my brother, and he listened, but didn't try to tell me what to do. Sometimes I just need someone to listen, and my brother does that very well for me.
Our flat was very quiet for several hours. The tension was high, and my wife and I both were feeling uncomfortable for having disagreed. After a few hours, I gently knocked on the bedroom door to apologize.
No sooner had I said, "I'm sorry" than she showed me a printout confirming that she bought two airline tickets for us to come to Washington on 23 December. She told me how much she enjoyed our family, and the casual, friendly, and fun atmosphere. She said how welcome she felt in my brother's home, and enjoyed spending time with my sisters. I think as she reflected back on our visit last year, she thought more about it and how much she would like to return -- as much as me!
WE ARE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! Whoopie! Can't wait! (Bro, don't worry, I'll bring my leather pants -- you can provide the boots!)
My wife and I had an argument recently -- where to spend Christmas. We live in a little flat in Paris, France, where we work. Last year, we went to visit my brother, BHD, and see the family. I wanted to go back this year. My wife wanted to go to St. Tropez on the French Riviera, instead, and spend some time with two of her siblings who were also going to be there for Christmas.
Sure, it would be nice to take a holiday on the Riviera, but it's cold this time of year and it is extremely expensive. I very much want to come home to see my family and have an old-fashioned family Christmas.
What to do? I called my brother, and he listened, but didn't try to tell me what to do. Sometimes I just need someone to listen, and my brother does that very well for me.
Our flat was very quiet for several hours. The tension was high, and my wife and I both were feeling uncomfortable for having disagreed. After a few hours, I gently knocked on the bedroom door to apologize.
No sooner had I said, "I'm sorry" than she showed me a printout confirming that she bought two airline tickets for us to come to Washington on 23 December. She told me how much she enjoyed our family, and the casual, friendly, and fun atmosphere. She said how welcome she felt in my brother's home, and enjoyed spending time with my sisters. I think as she reflected back on our visit last year, she thought more about it and how much she would like to return -- as much as me!
WE ARE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! Whoopie! Can't wait! (Bro, don't worry, I'll bring my leather pants -- you can provide the boots!)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Boots and Breeches: Looking Good on a Motorcycle
A note from BHD: the following guest blog post was written by a friend who rides a Harley and lives in Vermont. He's a straight guy, quite witty, and has opinions that are similar to my own. I thought some of his recent email messages were interesting. With his permission, I am posting his comments below.
Photos are of me, to illustrate the point, not of my friend.
---------------------
Everything old is new again. You are just a trend setter. You know looking good is not just a, for lack of a better phrase "a gay thing". I think there may be a perception from some people that wearing boots is just for gay men and it is not.
I live in Vermont. We have had civil unions and gay mariage for so long here I don't even think about how sometimes that in other locations that this kind of bigotry still exists. As long as you are not wearing your chaps with the crotch exposed with boots on your bike on the highway, then screw 'em.
Everything is retro. You know part of the the Harley experience is being an individual. Everyone's bike is differrent. Each is customized to what the owner wants and every one wears what they want to in order to express themselves in the way they want. That is why you ride a Harley. Next time someone busts your balls about the boots, tell them if they keep it up, you will kiss them, I doubt they will say anything to you again. Include some photos of you in your boots in a biker newsletter. Maybe some other guys will ask you where to get some boots. Tell them that the women love them.
---------------------------
... and from another message about wearing boots and breeches on a Harley, my friend said:
I am the only one around here to wear boots and breeches. My girlfriend has a pair of boots and breeches too. During the forties and fifties most everyone riding a motorcycle wore boots and breeches. As I said I do not wear them in the summer as it is just too hot so I switch to jeans but do wear the poly breeches if it is not too hot. I have to tell you, I really do not give a darn what people think.
I do receive a lot of compliments from women about the boots. They love them and I love women, so it kind of works out. Just again the other day we had taken a ride and were walking around a country store. A woman came up to me and said, "I love your boots." I don't wear breeches with a stripe as I don't want to be confused with being an on-duty cop. If it was me and some one made a disparaging comment about my boots, I would tell them that I would just stick them up their ass to find out how they feel. Or you could just tell them to go f*ck themselves.
I would not get too self-conscious about it. Both Harley and Davidson wore breeches when they rode. Just look at some older photos and any old issue of a Harley magazine, and it is filled with riders wearing boots and breeches. They must have been on to something.
Photos are of me, to illustrate the point, not of my friend.
---------------------
I live in Vermont. We have had civil unions and gay mariage for so long here I don't even think about how sometimes that in other locations that this kind of bigotry still exists. As long as you are not wearing your chaps with the crotch exposed with boots on your bike on the highway, then screw 'em.
---------------------------
... and from another message about wearing boots and breeches on a Harley, my friend said:
I am the only one around here to wear boots and breeches. My girlfriend has a pair of boots and breeches too. During the forties and fifties most everyone riding a motorcycle wore boots and breeches. As I said I do not wear them in the summer as it is just too hot so I switch to jeans but do wear the poly breeches if it is not too hot. I have to tell you, I really do not give a darn what people think.
I would not get too self-conscious about it. Both Harley and Davidson wore breeches when they rode. Just look at some older photos and any old issue of a Harley magazine, and it is filled with riders wearing boots and breeches. They must have been on to something.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Coming Out
Guest Blog Post by 'The Cop'
I was invited by BHD to write a guest blog post about my experience as a police officer who happens to be gay, and the processes and trials in coming out.
I write it that way because I am a cop first. Being gay has nothing to do with it. I am a cop. I am gay. So be it.
It was very hard for me to be myself, although I have been a police officer for over 10 years. All of my fellow officers thought, naturally, that I was straight, interested in women, and such. In fact, for some social events, I would invite female friends to go with me as a date. No one thought the wiser ... so I thought.
Then a fellow officer came up to me one day and said, "you're gay, aren't you?" I was shocked. I thought I hid it very well. I never once looked at anyone else on the job, said anything, or posted anything anywhere on the internet.
I gave him my best "cop stare" and asked, "why did you say that?" His response was informative. He simply said, "well, you are a very private guy, but after a few years, you just figure things out. That's okay. I won't 'out' you."
My head was spinning. I was afraid about what other people would say. I had a reputation to uphold. I was in line for a promotion, and I didn't want to jeopardize that.
I went home that night and began searching the internet for information. That's how I stumbled upon BHD's blog. He is respectful to cops and others. I sent him an email, and in that first message, I just asked if he knew any gay cops.
He replied, and said that he doesn't give out other people's information, names, or email addresses. BHD told me later that some people have asked him to connect them with gay cops for liaisons. I wasn't interested in that. I wanted to know others like me who I could talk to.
He referred me to Blue Pride, which is an organization of law enforcement officers who are gay. I joined, and learned a lot. They helped me figure out how to maintain my integrity, and they helped me come to terms with being honest in the workplace. I mean, after all, we enforce the law every day. We demand honesty and integrity in what we do. I felt so torn that by keeping the fact that I was gay to myself (being in the closet) that I was lying to my fellow officers. I thought that what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. But then I learned that by hiding my sexual orientation, that a form of distrust was building among fellow officers. More of them had talked about me than I thought.
I communicated with BHD on-and-off for over a year about this. I am still reticent to communicate with others. BUT...
I approached the officer who first asked me about whether I was gay, and asked if we could have coffee after work. We sat down and I told him what was on my mind.
All he said was, "finally, you're being honest with me and with yourself. Don't you feel better?"
I was expecting something else. I don't really know what I was expecting. But I wasn't expecting such a casual response. Like, "no big deal."
I then screwed up my courage and told my boss. Again, her response was pretty much, "so what?" All she was concerned about was that I was doing my job well and working effectively with my fellow officers, the chain of command, and the community.
I realized that much of my concern was self-developed. To the point of keeping me awake many nights, fearing the unknown.
Thanks, BHD, for being such a supportive guy. I appreciate your friendship, your candor, your honesty, and advice. What I appreciate most is that I can say whatever is on my mind, and you don't beat me up for it.
I got that promotion by the way. But have things changed for me at work? Yes-and-no. Some people are more formal, or distant. Maybe I am over sensitive. But most people treat me the same. The expect me to do my job, and after knowing me all these years, they know that they can rely on me to help out and stay focused on our duties.
Now, off to fight the battles of law-and-order, honestly, with integrity.
Note from BHD: this blog post was long in coming. When my friend Kevin wrote me an email where he described coming out to close friends and gave me the okay to post a part of his message, that is what caused the officer whose words are above to send me an email with this guest piece in it. I never really know how my blog posts are received or thought about by others.
I wish my friend well as he continues to serve the public, and be himself. He has asked me not to give out his email address, but if you wish to write, you can write to me and I will forward it to him.
I was invited by BHD to write a guest blog post about my experience as a police officer who happens to be gay, and the processes and trials in coming out.
I write it that way because I am a cop first. Being gay has nothing to do with it. I am a cop. I am gay. So be it.
It was very hard for me to be myself, although I have been a police officer for over 10 years. All of my fellow officers thought, naturally, that I was straight, interested in women, and such. In fact, for some social events, I would invite female friends to go with me as a date. No one thought the wiser ... so I thought.
Then a fellow officer came up to me one day and said, "you're gay, aren't you?" I was shocked. I thought I hid it very well. I never once looked at anyone else on the job, said anything, or posted anything anywhere on the internet.
I gave him my best "cop stare" and asked, "why did you say that?" His response was informative. He simply said, "well, you are a very private guy, but after a few years, you just figure things out. That's okay. I won't 'out' you."
My head was spinning. I was afraid about what other people would say. I had a reputation to uphold. I was in line for a promotion, and I didn't want to jeopardize that.
I went home that night and began searching the internet for information. That's how I stumbled upon BHD's blog. He is respectful to cops and others. I sent him an email, and in that first message, I just asked if he knew any gay cops.
He replied, and said that he doesn't give out other people's information, names, or email addresses. BHD told me later that some people have asked him to connect them with gay cops for liaisons. I wasn't interested in that. I wanted to know others like me who I could talk to.
He referred me to Blue Pride, which is an organization of law enforcement officers who are gay. I joined, and learned a lot. They helped me figure out how to maintain my integrity, and they helped me come to terms with being honest in the workplace. I mean, after all, we enforce the law every day. We demand honesty and integrity in what we do. I felt so torn that by keeping the fact that I was gay to myself (being in the closet) that I was lying to my fellow officers. I thought that what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. But then I learned that by hiding my sexual orientation, that a form of distrust was building among fellow officers. More of them had talked about me than I thought.
I communicated with BHD on-and-off for over a year about this. I am still reticent to communicate with others. BUT...
I approached the officer who first asked me about whether I was gay, and asked if we could have coffee after work. We sat down and I told him what was on my mind.
All he said was, "finally, you're being honest with me and with yourself. Don't you feel better?"
I was expecting something else. I don't really know what I was expecting. But I wasn't expecting such a casual response. Like, "no big deal."
I then screwed up my courage and told my boss. Again, her response was pretty much, "so what?" All she was concerned about was that I was doing my job well and working effectively with my fellow officers, the chain of command, and the community.
I realized that much of my concern was self-developed. To the point of keeping me awake many nights, fearing the unknown.
Thanks, BHD, for being such a supportive guy. I appreciate your friendship, your candor, your honesty, and advice. What I appreciate most is that I can say whatever is on my mind, and you don't beat me up for it.
I got that promotion by the way. But have things changed for me at work? Yes-and-no. Some people are more formal, or distant. Maybe I am over sensitive. But most people treat me the same. The expect me to do my job, and after knowing me all these years, they know that they can rely on me to help out and stay focused on our duties.
Now, off to fight the battles of law-and-order, honestly, with integrity.
Note from BHD: this blog post was long in coming. When my friend Kevin wrote me an email where he described coming out to close friends and gave me the okay to post a part of his message, that is what caused the officer whose words are above to send me an email with this guest piece in it. I never really know how my blog posts are received or thought about by others.
I wish my friend well as he continues to serve the public, and be himself. He has asked me not to give out his email address, but if you wish to write, you can write to me and I will forward it to him.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Guest Blog: Straight Guy and Leather Gear, Pt. 3
This is the third and final post in this Guest Blog series which I invited to be written by a friend. If you missed it, read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
--BHD
My Perspective on Wearing Leather
BHD has given me some questions to help guide me along -- an interview of sorts -- I will attempt to answer coherently:
1. What is it about wearing leather that you like?
I like the way it looks. I like the confidence it represents. I like the way people react to it. It makes me feel good. Much better than a suit or a good pair of jeans. Wearing leather gives the impression that I don't completely conform to everybody's whims, and if you choose to enter into a relationship with me -- whether it be business or friendship -- you should not expect me to go along with how the mainstream may do things. The mainstream is more becoming screwed up!
People are more and more just becoming "Look At Me" copy-cat automatons incapable of independent thought.
2. What do you think about having an interest in leather and not having an interest in men?
I admit I think some guys look good in leather, but it stops there. Some guys look great in a good suit or a pair of jeans. It is possible to admire something without wanting to hump it. Takes some practice but it is accomplishable. Its called self control! Our society has too little of it these days. Is it possible to say, "that is a good looking guy" and not be gay? Yes.
Completely. And I am not deluding myself. I think leather is a wonderful material -- supplied by God -- I love wearing it and the way it looks. I have gained confidence since I realized that. Maybe psychiatrists should try making patients with low self esteem wear leather out in public. Hey, maybe I'm onto something: "Leather Therapy" LOL!
As I explained previously when I wear leather I feel confident. I like the way it wears. It is strong. It can be rejuvenated. All I have to do is imagine what I would loose should I ever indulge and my thoughts go another direction. There is a difference between lust and love. Lust happens all of the time. Its human nature!
We lust after people, food, and things. It is completely possible to control lust and keep it where it belongs just as it is completely possible for me to not eat half of a pecan pie in one sitting, much as I'd like to. Look: I have kids who depend on me, a wife who depends on me. Would I destroy or at least severely change their lives for a selfish indulgence? Sure it will make me feel physically great for a fleeting moment but it will destroy three other lives in the process.
So how do I get what I want? I don't always get what I want. That’s what is wrong with society. Everybody is trying to get what they want and nobody is thinking about the lives they are impacting in the process. In the case of leather I just have honest conversations with my wife and it all seems to work out. Right now I want to get my ear pierced. She ain't down with that. We'll work on it. How many guys do you know who's wife lets them wear leather to church? Mine does. She says I look sexy.
If communication is what it should be in bed then your sexual needs should be satisfied! I love my wife. I am not attracted in a loving way to other men, wearing leather or not. I use lust to make creative energy. Works for me!
3. Do you think hanging out with gay guys may possibly cause others to raise questions in their mind about you? How do you feel about that?
Yes, in fact I am a little surprised this didn't come to the top of the pile right off. I'm always telling my son, "Son, you are who you hang with." I'm not gay. I have known a couple of gay men through work. One of them was extremely insecure, and the other one was pretty confident. In fact, Rick, the confident guy was a lot of fun to be around. He wasn't constantly second-guessing himself. If he had not told me he was gay I probably would not have known. Being Gay wasn't the subject of *everything* that came out of his mouth, unlike the other guy. I found the insecure one very embarrassing. I would not want my sexuality questioned.
I think you can wear leather without people thinking you are gay. I have come across many many many masculine men in leather with their wife at their arm. They appeared to be happy. Probably because they weren’t sitting in a cubicle in some non-descript business but rather out enjoying their Harleys. After penning this out I will probably not find myself hanging out in a gay bar. Biker bar maybe, but not a gay bar.
So, if I may borrow the closing style of the great Blogger BHD: "If you like wearing leather, whatever the reason, wear it."
The Good Book says, "What is life, it is even a vapor that appears for a short time and then vanishes." Before you know it you'll be 80 wondering why you never wore the leather you liked so much. Wear your leather. Enjoy your life!"
Note from BHD: I truly appreciate the thought and energy that my friend put into writing this series of blog posts. He said, in a way, it was cathartic for him to express himself this way. I sure learned a lot. If you wish to write a message to send to him, write to me and I will forward it to him.
I hope you enjoyed this series. I hope to have other invited blog posts from other guys on occasion.
And remember: life is indeed short! Get out there and embrace your passion!
--BHD
My Perspective on Wearing Leather
BHD has given me some questions to help guide me along -- an interview of sorts -- I will attempt to answer coherently:
1. What is it about wearing leather that you like?
I like the way it looks. I like the confidence it represents. I like the way people react to it. It makes me feel good. Much better than a suit or a good pair of jeans. Wearing leather gives the impression that I don't completely conform to everybody's whims, and if you choose to enter into a relationship with me -- whether it be business or friendship -- you should not expect me to go along with how the mainstream may do things. The mainstream is more becoming screwed up!
People are more and more just becoming "Look At Me" copy-cat automatons incapable of independent thought.
2. What do you think about having an interest in leather and not having an interest in men?
I admit I think some guys look good in leather, but it stops there. Some guys look great in a good suit or a pair of jeans. It is possible to admire something without wanting to hump it. Takes some practice but it is accomplishable. Its called self control! Our society has too little of it these days. Is it possible to say, "that is a good looking guy" and not be gay? Yes.
Completely. And I am not deluding myself. I think leather is a wonderful material -- supplied by God -- I love wearing it and the way it looks. I have gained confidence since I realized that. Maybe psychiatrists should try making patients with low self esteem wear leather out in public. Hey, maybe I'm onto something: "Leather Therapy" LOL!
As I explained previously when I wear leather I feel confident. I like the way it wears. It is strong. It can be rejuvenated. All I have to do is imagine what I would loose should I ever indulge and my thoughts go another direction. There is a difference between lust and love. Lust happens all of the time. Its human nature!
We lust after people, food, and things. It is completely possible to control lust and keep it where it belongs just as it is completely possible for me to not eat half of a pecan pie in one sitting, much as I'd like to. Look: I have kids who depend on me, a wife who depends on me. Would I destroy or at least severely change their lives for a selfish indulgence? Sure it will make me feel physically great for a fleeting moment but it will destroy three other lives in the process.
So how do I get what I want? I don't always get what I want. That’s what is wrong with society. Everybody is trying to get what they want and nobody is thinking about the lives they are impacting in the process. In the case of leather I just have honest conversations with my wife and it all seems to work out. Right now I want to get my ear pierced. She ain't down with that. We'll work on it. How many guys do you know who's wife lets them wear leather to church? Mine does. She says I look sexy.
If communication is what it should be in bed then your sexual needs should be satisfied! I love my wife. I am not attracted in a loving way to other men, wearing leather or not. I use lust to make creative energy. Works for me!
3. Do you think hanging out with gay guys may possibly cause others to raise questions in their mind about you? How do you feel about that?Yes, in fact I am a little surprised this didn't come to the top of the pile right off. I'm always telling my son, "Son, you are who you hang with." I'm not gay. I have known a couple of gay men through work. One of them was extremely insecure, and the other one was pretty confident. In fact, Rick, the confident guy was a lot of fun to be around. He wasn't constantly second-guessing himself. If he had not told me he was gay I probably would not have known. Being Gay wasn't the subject of *everything* that came out of his mouth, unlike the other guy. I found the insecure one very embarrassing. I would not want my sexuality questioned.
I think you can wear leather without people thinking you are gay. I have come across many many many masculine men in leather with their wife at their arm. They appeared to be happy. Probably because they weren’t sitting in a cubicle in some non-descript business but rather out enjoying their Harleys. After penning this out I will probably not find myself hanging out in a gay bar. Biker bar maybe, but not a gay bar.
So, if I may borrow the closing style of the great Blogger BHD: "If you like wearing leather, whatever the reason, wear it."
The Good Book says, "What is life, it is even a vapor that appears for a short time and then vanishes." Before you know it you'll be 80 wondering why you never wore the leather you liked so much. Wear your leather. Enjoy your life!"
Note from BHD: I truly appreciate the thought and energy that my friend put into writing this series of blog posts. He said, in a way, it was cathartic for him to express himself this way. I sure learned a lot. If you wish to write a message to send to him, write to me and I will forward it to him.
I hope you enjoyed this series. I hope to have other invited blog posts from other guys on occasion.
And remember: life is indeed short! Get out there and embrace your passion!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Guest Blog: Straight Guy and Leather Gear, Pt. 2
This is part two of a series. If you missed Part I, read it here. Enjoy!
--BHD
Embracing My Passion
I took a credit card and bought several thousands of dollars worth of equipment and leather hides. As a teen I did some tooling and I liked it. My dad is a very talented carpenter and I think some of his creativeness may have made its way into my make up.
The more I work with leather as a medium, the more I feel satisfied that I have found something that can be my true area of expertise. People would come to me with their leather-making needs.
I like the bald-guy leather look. Time to remake myself into what I actually feel and not what I think will appease other people. As far as Jesus, I think we have him figured out all wrong. Read your Bible! There is so much we ignore in favor of "church" which is not Jesus. Time to get some leather pants.
They were hot and they were too big so I ordered a smaller pair. They were three sizes smaller than what the tag said. I took pictures using a tape measure and sent them back. I got a third pair; they had a saggy butt. I ordered a fourth pair with side lacing; slightly too big but manageable. I wore them.
After wearing the side-lace pants for a week every day in the middle of winter I decided I really liked them! I wore them out ... to Walmart ... to eat ... to a school function. I was afraid of embarrassing my 14 year-old son. He thought it was cool.
Some of the parents gave me weird looks. They were secretly jealous that they didn't have the kahoonas to wear leather out in public aside from riding a bike.
I bought a leather vest. Three of them actually. One was too big. One was really flimsy. It looked hot on the guy modeling it but it was made really cheaply and I doubt it would have held up very long had I kept it in service. The third was just right. Great lining .. Looked good. It's the one I wear every day and in pictures.
Next were the wrist cuffs. I have made myself ten or so that I really like. People look at me either with an admiring look or like I am a fetishist. Again, it's my life!
Now for the big conundrum. How can I mix with other guys who enjoy leather for the purpose of promoting my products without being involved in the homosexual side? In my experience, which is very limited, most guys into leather are gay. I am not. I am happily married 23 years to my wife. We have two great kids (14 year old boy and 21 year old daughter, who is about to get married). While I think some men look really good in leather, it stops there. I would never indulge myself at the risk of destroying what I have with my wife and my family. She is too much a part of me.
We are entering this new stage of our lives together. She is very feminine but I manage to sneak some leather on her in the form of bracelets and cuffs and she really likes them.
Check back tomorrow for Part 3: My Perspective on Wearing Leather
--BHD
Embracing My Passion
I took a credit card and bought several thousands of dollars worth of equipment and leather hides. As a teen I did some tooling and I liked it. My dad is a very talented carpenter and I think some of his creativeness may have made its way into my make up.The more I work with leather as a medium, the more I feel satisfied that I have found something that can be my true area of expertise. People would come to me with their leather-making needs.
I like the bald-guy leather look. Time to remake myself into what I actually feel and not what I think will appease other people. As far as Jesus, I think we have him figured out all wrong. Read your Bible! There is so much we ignore in favor of "church" which is not Jesus. Time to get some leather pants.They were hot and they were too big so I ordered a smaller pair. They were three sizes smaller than what the tag said. I took pictures using a tape measure and sent them back. I got a third pair; they had a saggy butt. I ordered a fourth pair with side lacing; slightly too big but manageable. I wore them.
After wearing the side-lace pants for a week every day in the middle of winter I decided I really liked them! I wore them out ... to Walmart ... to eat ... to a school function. I was afraid of embarrassing my 14 year-old son. He thought it was cool.
Some of the parents gave me weird looks. They were secretly jealous that they didn't have the kahoonas to wear leather out in public aside from riding a bike.
I bought a leather vest. Three of them actually. One was too big. One was really flimsy. It looked hot on the guy modeling it but it was made really cheaply and I doubt it would have held up very long had I kept it in service. The third was just right. Great lining .. Looked good. It's the one I wear every day and in pictures.
Next were the wrist cuffs. I have made myself ten or so that I really like. People look at me either with an admiring look or like I am a fetishist. Again, it's my life!
Now for the big conundrum. How can I mix with other guys who enjoy leather for the purpose of promoting my products without being involved in the homosexual side? In my experience, which is very limited, most guys into leather are gay. I am not. I am happily married 23 years to my wife. We have two great kids (14 year old boy and 21 year old daughter, who is about to get married). While I think some men look really good in leather, it stops there. I would never indulge myself at the risk of destroying what I have with my wife and my family. She is too much a part of me.We are entering this new stage of our lives together. She is very feminine but I manage to sneak some leather on her in the form of bracelets and cuffs and she really likes them.
Check back tomorrow for Part 3: My Perspective on Wearing Leather
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Guest Blog: Straight Guy and Leather Gear, Pt. 1
Dear Readers: this post was written by a friend who I invited to write a guest blog series about his thoughts about wearing leather gear. He is straight, married with children, and has interests that parallel mine. Enjoy a series of great reads!
--BHD
Young Adulthood
First of all let me start out by saying that if this blog entry got out amongst my fellow Baptist friends I'd pretty much be finished! I'm not ignorant, I know it is going out onto the Internet, however in a somewhat anonymous fashion.
Since turning 40 two years ago I am finding that I really care less and less what other people think about me. I used to care a lot. I would dress to be accepted by my conservative friends; use language that would be accepted by my conservative friends, eat and drink in a way that would be accepted by my conservative friends ... Notice a pattern? I am also a Christian and I would try and act in a way that would be a reflection of Christ.
So what happened? Simple. I started a little business making leather wrist cuffs, and I immensely enjoy it. I like making the stuff, selling the stuff, taking it to shows, doing custom orders...all of it. For the first time in a long time I really enjoy my work!
I think I have always loved leather. Actually I have but I didn't know it. As a youth I was always attracted to slick shiny things. In the 70s it was anything satin. In the 80s it was vinyl and latex. I worked in a call center with no dress code and in the late 80s and early 90s I would wear latex jeans to work. I had several colors. I liked the way they looked but they were hot and sticky. I had not yet considered leather.
In my 30s I started noticing leather; but I wasn’t really into it. I thought a pair of leather pants might be cool to have, and I have always liked boots. In my 20s I was a deputy sheriff and I wore boots as part of my uniform. The boots represented rigidness and adherence to a code. When they get dingy you can shine them up and they look new. They stand out no matter what you are wearing. They represent order and neatness. I've always had at least one good pair of leather boots.
In my late 30s I was an I.T. manager for a manufacturing company. I was there for five years. I remember how I hated going up to that office every day and sit in that little room with no windows. I was making good money but I absolutely hated going to work. One day the boss came in and fired me. He said it was nothing personal he just wanted to try something different.
His choice didn't really work out for him. The brain-child that wooed him into the decision to get rid of me only stayed a short time and left a big mess. I came out of it with the thought that I would never again put myself in a position where I could be fired. (Just wait for it. I am going somewhere with this.)
One of the things I did when I had the I.T. job is shave my head. I was getting a little thin atop. Bald was making its appearance and I liked the bald-goatee look. My boss told me I looked like a gay forest ranger. I didn't know there was a stereotype there. It may have led to the demise of my job. Of course there is no way to know.
After loosing the job I went through a year of depression. Serious depression. I came out of it with the help of Prozac, and Vitamin D. I no longer take the Prozac finding that probably some good counseling and vitamin D was what I really needed.
I am now in a good place. I have decided that even though it is a little selfish, I am half way through my life and I am going to care less about what people think about me and do what I like. I am going to embrace my passion.
Check back tomorrow for Part Two: Embracing My Passion
--BHD
Young Adulthood
First of all let me start out by saying that if this blog entry got out amongst my fellow Baptist friends I'd pretty much be finished! I'm not ignorant, I know it is going out onto the Internet, however in a somewhat anonymous fashion.
Since turning 40 two years ago I am finding that I really care less and less what other people think about me. I used to care a lot. I would dress to be accepted by my conservative friends; use language that would be accepted by my conservative friends, eat and drink in a way that would be accepted by my conservative friends ... Notice a pattern? I am also a Christian and I would try and act in a way that would be a reflection of Christ.So what happened? Simple. I started a little business making leather wrist cuffs, and I immensely enjoy it. I like making the stuff, selling the stuff, taking it to shows, doing custom orders...all of it. For the first time in a long time I really enjoy my work!
I think I have always loved leather. Actually I have but I didn't know it. As a youth I was always attracted to slick shiny things. In the 70s it was anything satin. In the 80s it was vinyl and latex. I worked in a call center with no dress code and in the late 80s and early 90s I would wear latex jeans to work. I had several colors. I liked the way they looked but they were hot and sticky. I had not yet considered leather.In my 30s I started noticing leather; but I wasn’t really into it. I thought a pair of leather pants might be cool to have, and I have always liked boots. In my 20s I was a deputy sheriff and I wore boots as part of my uniform. The boots represented rigidness and adherence to a code. When they get dingy you can shine them up and they look new. They stand out no matter what you are wearing. They represent order and neatness. I've always had at least one good pair of leather boots.
In my late 30s I was an I.T. manager for a manufacturing company. I was there for five years. I remember how I hated going up to that office every day and sit in that little room with no windows. I was making good money but I absolutely hated going to work. One day the boss came in and fired me. He said it was nothing personal he just wanted to try something different.His choice didn't really work out for him. The brain-child that wooed him into the decision to get rid of me only stayed a short time and left a big mess. I came out of it with the thought that I would never again put myself in a position where I could be fired. (Just wait for it. I am going somewhere with this.)
One of the things I did when I had the I.T. job is shave my head. I was getting a little thin atop. Bald was making its appearance and I liked the bald-goatee look. My boss told me I looked like a gay forest ranger. I didn't know there was a stereotype there. It may have led to the demise of my job. Of course there is no way to know.
After loosing the job I went through a year of depression. Serious depression. I came out of it with the help of Prozac, and Vitamin D. I no longer take the Prozac finding that probably some good counseling and vitamin D was what I really needed.
I am now in a good place. I have decided that even though it is a little selfish, I am half way through my life and I am going to care less about what people think about me and do what I like. I am going to embrace my passion.
Check back tomorrow for Part Two: Embracing My Passion
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