Someone sent me an email recently asking what I thought was a legitimate and good question in this context, "since you have said on your blog that you don't go out to leather events like IML or MAL, what do you do with all that leather gear you own? Since you've got the gear, why don't you attend these events? I'd like to hang out with you."
Thanks for the questions. I like to meet new people, too, and based on our email "conversations," you sound like a guy who I would enjoy meeting and speaking with. You respect that I am in a closed monogamous relationship, and I respect that you like to hang out with guys in leather.
Well, first question first.
Note from BHD: The following guest blog post was written by my friend Kevin who has written guest blog pieces before and comments frequently on this blog. He was invited by a friend who lives in Washington, DC, to visit and drop by to see what Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) weekend was all about. Here are his observations. (Sorry, no photos, but I learned a few years ago that there are some closet cases who get very upset if their image of them at MAL appears anywhere, so for respect of those who don't want to be seen there, I have no photos to post with this message).
My weekend trip to DC was fantastic and I was quite pleased and pleasantly surprised to discover that my friend planned for me to visit this past weekend because MAL was happening and he knew that I wouldn't venture there by myself. My preconceived ideas would have gotten the better of me and I would have missed out on a truly important growth experience. I am indeed fortunate that I can be myself with them and they love me unconditionally. As a result, I'm learning to strip away the barriers I've built over a lifetime. I'm thankful to have supportive and loving friends who allow me to do so.
Welcome to leather weekend in the 'burbs. That is, the suburbs of Washington DC where Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend -- aka "the leather weekend" -- is being held. Been there, done that, got the boots shined, smoked the cigar, ate the greasy chow....
So what is "Leather Weekend" like for an old-guard (alt. "old fart") leather dude who is not going to MAL and hanging out in the 'burbs?
Well, it's just about here -- as I call it -- the "second-largest gathering of the Leather Clan in the USA" (largest gathering still being International Mr. Leather in Chicago on the last weekend of May). I have had a few guys contact me to ask if I am going to MAL, but as I said in my previous post, I am not. There are other things going on in my life that make MAL a no-go for me this year.
For those of you who ARE traveling to DC to attend MAL, especially those traveling by air, let me share some quick tips, based on my "Air Travel with Leather Gear" tutorial.
Yep, it's that time of year again for the second-largest gathering of the leather clan in the United States -- an event called Mid-Atlantic Leather. It begins on Friday, January 13, and runs through Sunday night/Monday morning with a dance.
Leather, boots, hormone-driven gay men... all in one place in Washington, DC.
Okay, I've got the boots, leather gear, and last I checked, my hormones are still working. Will I be attending?
Once again, guys... not what you think (LOL!)
A couple years ago, Shane from Eastern Oregon Leather contacted me and I learned about the products that he makes -- superbly-designed and hand-made wrist cuffs. I received a cuff from him back then, and have continued to wear it regularly. And now, I have a new one...
I had a chance to take a ride yesterday while the weather was sunny and pleasantly cool. It was about 50°F (10°C), which was perfect weather to break in my custom gray leather jacket and my matching gray leather pants that I bought earlier this year from Johnson Leather of San Francisco, California, USA.
These leathers are thick and warm, and are made for cold-weather riding. They are very comfortable, and look great. Funny thing happened on the ride, too....
A leather vest with a t-shirt, along with side-laced leather jeans over traditional harness boots becomes a comfy, casual biker style.
Well, perhaps the Muir Cap may not be on my head when I go about my daily business, attending meetings, visiting and helping out my senior pals, running errands and going grocery shopping. But it is an image of "me" that is frequently seen. Comfortable, casual, simple.
I may use vest extenders to hold the vest closed while I get about on my Harley. The jeans are among the most comfortable I own. I got them from Mr. S. Leather of San Francisco years ago. They fit well, and continue to look good as I occasionally treat them with leather conditioner to keep the leather soft, supple, and shiny.
Leather in public? No sweat! Honestly, no one says a thing other than the occasional question about where I got the jeans and how nice they look.
Life is short: be casually comfortable in leather!
Yeah, I have quite a bit of gear that I have acquired over many years. Biker wear includes leather breeches, jeans, chaps, vests, and jackets. Every-day wear includes leather shirts, and jeans. Boots always (I don't own or care to wear sneakers or shoes of any sort. Blech!)
Most of my gear is hung carefully in a rather large closet in my home office. I also keep some jackets and chaps hung in the garage near my bike. I have a few jackets in the hall closet as well.
As I prepare to renew leather-wearing again for Fall, Winter, and Spring, it's important to check it over and condition the leathers. I look for any threads that may be loose. Usually there are not any, but for example I found a loose thread on a hem of a pair of favorite lightweight leather pants. My partner is a whiz in the sewing department -- he fixed the hem nicely.
I do not go to great lengths with conditioning leathers, but I am careful to ensure the leather is clean and in good shape. I apply Lexol Leather Conditioner on my leathers, using a light lintless cloth and rubbing it on the leather lightly. I don't apply pressure or rub hard -- that could damage the skin. I "buff it up" so-to-speak.
When leather is kept in good repair, clean and conditioned, it will last forever. It will continue to look good, repel water if I get caught in the rain, and keep me warm.
I may bring a couple pairs of pants or breeches and a few shirts to our basement while my partner is watching whatever blather he recorded on his Tivo. I'll work on my leathers and watch TV with him. In no time, the gear is looking good and ready for another three seasons of regular use.
Yeah, I have a lot of gear and I wear it. I am not one of those gay guys with a trunk full of leather gear worn to the once-a-year event, fashion show or club run. My gear is "out there" and "on me" often.
No, I do not wear leather at my office, but I do wear my protective gear when I ride my Harley to get there. I store it carefully and wear regular clothes with good-looking motorcycle boots around the office all day.
When I get home, I take off the clothes that I wear to work (dress shirt and pants) and don the leather. My partner arrives home from work about an hour after I do, and I greet him as he walks in the door in full leather. He smiles, kisses me hello, and we talk about our respective days.
I may go out after dinner to check on a senior pal or attend a meeting. Whatever leather I have on stays on (but I admit, I do not wear a Muir Cap when I'm out and about; I wear a ballcap). Everyone who knows me has seen me in "full gear" and doesn't say a thing. Granted, I don't flaunt full fetishwear when I am in the community -- just a pair of leather jeans, a shirt, and a jacket. Boots, of course. No.big.deal.
Honestly, I don't know what the hang-ups are that some guys have about wearing leather in public, but I have blogged about that a lot, so I'll suffice it to say that leather is what I wear, and people are interested in what I have to say, not what I wear.
Life is short: keep your leather in good shape, and wear it often!
I received a message via Recon, which is a site that I seldom check any more, but have a profile there to maintain my "BHD" identity and to prevent others from using that identity and cause confusion.
Anyway, I was asked, "can you help me find someone who likes leather and help me to learn about the leather scene?"
Gosh, it's been so long that I've engaged in that realm, I had to reply that I really don't know.
These days, there are very few leather-oriented venues where guys gather on a social and frequent basis. Back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, bars were the prime location to find other guys into this. These days, bars have been replaced by the internet, which comes with a completely different set of "rules" and methods of meeting other people. I've said before, I met my partner through traditional means -- joining a club -- long before the Internet was available to the masses.
I'm so old, stable, monogamous, community-oriented, and established in my suburban lifestyle that I have not gone out to a bar or attended events like IML, MAL, or Folsom in years. I have no intention of attending these events again. Been there, done that. Want some old t-shirts?
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with going to IML, MAL, or Folsom. Fine for single guys or guys in relationships that they call "open". My relationship is absolutely closed, including any potential for going out by myself to such events. I wouldn't think of it. My partner is my life, and if he doesn't want to go, and I'm too tired to go, then we don't. That's just how it is as a monogamous gay couple ages.
To try to answer this guy's legitimate question, I suggested that he try to attend one of these events to meet other guys and perhaps attend workshops that may be offered. I'm not a fan of trying to find someone on-line, because there are so many posers out there who aren't who they claim to be. You never really know who someone is until you meet them in person. (And if you do, be safe and meet in a public place. By all means, don't invite someone you have not met to your home the first time you may meet!)
Where are all the leatherdudes? Well, in my humble opinion, there are three answers:
1. Like me, they have "aged out" of being interested any more in attending social events and don't go. Unlike me, they probably have closets full of gear that they don't wear any more. I wear my leathers regularly in my off-time as I go about my daily life. Heck, I've made such an investment in it, I don't want it gathering dust in the closet or in a trunk, never used again. What a waste.
2. Some attend events like IML, MAL, Folsom, and a few other, smaller, lesser-known "runs" or gatherings. Check around. There may be one that you can attend.
3. The younger ones have morphed from buying and wearing leather to other types of fetish gear such as rubber, latex, etc. I don't know much about that, as I'm not into that kind of gear or play. Face it, I'm an old-fashioned leatherdude and am not interested in less expensive alternatives to fetish interests.
I know this post hasn't been much help to those seeking someone who can help them learn about the leather life in the gay community. I have been out of it for so long, I just don't know.
Life is short: know who you are now and be okay with that.
It has been incredibly cool and pleasant after the visit by the tropical storm last weekend. In fact, it's been downright "coolish" in the morning and early evening. It is so pleasant to have the windows open and have fresh air circulate through the house.
It also means that I am breaking out the leathers again. In the mornings when I saddle up on my Harley to ride to work at oh-dark-30, I have been choosing my thick "Retro Chaps" that I bought last summer. These chaps are made of heavyweight (8-9oz) drum-dyed leather. They have outside zips so the zippers won't scratch the paint on the Harley. They are a perfect choice to wear over my regular pants that I wear to work when the temperatures are in the upper 50s (F -- 14C).
These past two evenings, I have had some meetings to attend. Yeah, things are gearing back up after a summer of inactivity with my community groups. I use my Harley to ride to the meetings, but instead of wearing chaps over jeans, I have been wearing my new grey leather jeans instead. It is warm enough that I can ride with only one layer.
Wearing leather in public -- in August??? Yep -- no.big.deal. Nobody says anything. Probably because they know that I ride a motorcycle when I can and also they have often seen me wearing leather jeans, shirts, and vests over many years. The leather-wearing is just what makes up one of the quirks of my personality. And nobody cares. Really. They want to know what I think and have to say, which is what is most important, anyway, rather than obsessing about what I'm wearing.
Life is short: wear leather when the temperatures support it.
As typically happens this time of year, we are in a full-bore summer heat and humidity onslaught. Air temperatures for the past few days have been in the "feels like" range of about 100°F (38°C), with relative humidity in the range of 50% to 70%. It doesn't take long when exposed to this heat and humidity that one begins to sweat profusely and it saps all energy.
As I look around at my neighbors and others in my home town, I see many are wearing lightweight, comfortable clothing, which usually includes shorts, sneakers, and sandals (or those heinous flip-flops or crocs). I understand why they choose lightweight attire. It really is hot out there.
As for me, I am "dressing light" too -- lightweight cotton twill pants for work with a short-sleeve cotton shirt.
What am I wearing on my feet? Boots, of course. I am riding my Harley every day both commuting to my office as well as running errands after work. Always, always: long pants and sturdy motorcycle boots. I am not among the Darwin-Award winners who choose to put on sneakers with shorts and climb aboard a heavyweight motorcycle.
When I get home, and will be home for the evening, I may just run around inside my house in a pair of shorts -- nothing else. While I enjoy wearing leather, this is not the season. I do get leather out of my gear closet from time to time, though, to clean it and treat it, so it will be ready for the times I will wear it when it's cooler.
Meanwhile, I'm being practical and trying to keep cool.
Life is short: wear long pants and boots when riding a motorcycle, despite whatever temperature it is outdoors.
I forget. There are indeed those who notice. Most don't say anything, but two did. Here's what they said and my reply.
1. A retired DC cop who was on the ride with my group looked me up and down and said, "I know a couple bars around the corner where you would fit right in." He did not know that I knew that he was referring to the DC Eagle, which is the closest thing to a leather bar that there is in Washington, DC. There really isn't any other bar that is known as a "leather bar" in DC. The Green Lantern "turns leather" one weekend each year when Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) is going on, but otherwise, it's as much of a twink bar as anywhere else.
My response: "Okay, you want to show me?" Honestly, I couldn't believe that I had the nerve to say something like that, but that is what fell out of my mouth. The cop just shook his head and I moved on.
It was obvious that he was making judgments based on what I was wearing, and probably was trying to be funny, not realizing with whom he was speaking. And you know what? Too bad. Or, "so what?" If he had made an issue out of it, I probably would have explained in clear terms, "yeah, I'm gay, I like leather, I have a partner who does, too!" But he didn't say anything else and neither did I.
It also demonstrates that this retired cop thought I was straight (I mean, there aren't any bikers who lead motorcycle rides and interact with cops and ride a big Harley who are gay, are there??? LOL!)
I spoke with him again as I was getting ready to leave. He asked me how my wife felt about being left alone on Mother's Day. I don't know where in the world he arrived at the assumption that I had a wife. We had not talked much... so he just assumed. I told him, "I'm sure there will be lots of chores waiting for me when I get home," but I deliberately didn't push the issue about the fact that my spouse-equivalent is a man. This guy was just plain oblivious, and I didn't have the time or energy to correct false assumptions all day.
2. Another guy looked at my belt buckle, which clearly says, "665" on it, and said, "one less than hell, huh?" Ooops, I didn't change it. The 665 Leather store gave it to me when they made my leather breeches. The guy who made a remark about the buckle understood what 665 means by the choice of its store name, "one number short of hell." I really didn't think much about it, but I agree, it gives a message that perhaps I didn't intend to give in a public gathering with families around. I was walking when that other guy said what he said to me, so I kept moving and didn't say anything.
When I got home and removed the breeches, I changed the belt buckle to something less ostentatious.
Oh well, these things happen when you have gay fetish gear that you mix up as biker leathers and ride with and attend straight biker events.
Life is short: keep your cool.
While I was in San Francisco in March, I had a couple hours free, so I decided to stop by the Mr S Leather store in the SOMA (South of Market) district. Over many years, I have purchased a lot of my leather gear from them. They make good stuff, and have quality leather. They do good tailoring as well.
I remember my first visit to that store back in 1991, some 20 years ago. The store was in a different location then. It was small and dark, and crowded too. (Actually, there were probably 3 or 4 people in the store, but it felt crowded.) Scared the bejeebers out of this curious guy. I don't know why I was so afraid. I did not buy anything on my first visit.
However, I saw some things that I liked, so my next trip to San Francisco, I screwed up my courage and went back to Mr S. This time, I was there by myself with one employee. The guy greeted me nicely and asked what I was looking for. I told him that I wanted to look around. He let me explore.
I spotted what I was looking for: a pair of leather jeans and a leather shirt. Back then, all the leather garments that they sold were black. I picked out what I liked, and tried it on. The shirt fit fine but the jeans were too long. The store employee was very helpful -- he measured my legs and asked me to give him the jeans to have them hemmed. A short while later, the jeans were returned (the person doing the hemming worked on an upper floor). I put the garments in a bag and left.
I wore those leather jeans and shirt a lot. I loved how they felt and how they looked. Subsequently, as I both became more mature and self-confident, I returned to Mr S a lot -- and bought a lot of leather gear!
Since I have so much leather gear now (most of it is custom made), I didn't think that I would see anything that I would want to buy when I visited Mr S again. But it didn't hurt to look, and admire the gear. They carry a lot of rubber and alternative types of clothing, too, as well as tons of sex toys, and some boots. Hmmm, boots -- last thing I needed ('cause I have everything that they sell and didn't need expensive duplicates ... plus, I want to keep Stompers Boots in business so I always give my boot business to them.) And the sex toys -- I tell 'ya, if I weren't the confident man that I am, I probably would have run out of there screaming. Gosh some of that stuff looks intimidating and painful. But there I go again -- being judgmental about stuff that other people are interested in; just not me.
The store staff were friendly as usual, and were laid back and let me explore some more. Nowadays, Mr S carries a lot of leather gear with colorful accents, or made completely from leather in colors other than black -- red, white, blue, hunter green. Their adjustment to offering colorful leather reflects both the times, and their accurate perception that some of us older guys already have all the black leather we will ever want or need, so to entice us to make a new purchase, they have to offer something different.
Then I spotted just the thing: a black short-sleeved leather shirt with red pocket flaps, epaulets, and collar, with a red stripe accent on the end of each sleeve. Wow, cool! Very different, and to me, very interesting.
Thankfully, they have different sizes of their various garments, and I found one -- the only one -- that was my size. I tried it on. It fit fine. Perhaps a little tight, but I know that as I exercise more this Spring, I'll loose a little weight in the middle and also I know that leather stretches slightly when it is worn.
The shirt was marked down a little bit -- I didn't know why. The price was right. So despite having to pay humongous sales tax, I bought it. Okay, so I'll help the local economy. (I could have avoided paying the sales tax if I bought it on-line and had it shipped to my home which is not in California.)
Now, before you go asking about signals that I may be giving, the answer is "no." Red leather has nothing to do with the Canonical Hanky Code, where red-on-the-left means doing something sexually with a fist (maintaining my G-rated status of this blog ... you can figure it out.) I'm not into that. But I do like the contrast of red leather with black leather.
To complete the look, I got a very good quality red leather tie from 665 Leather in West Hollywood, California (on-line). I'm not sure where I will wear this outfit, since I don't hang out at leather-oriented runs or fashion shows any more. But I'll enjoy the shirt, and wear it when I ride my Harley. I'll also wear it on occasion when I go about my daily personal business. For example, I had this shirt on when I went to a local building supplies retailer last week. Two customers saw me and said, "cool shirt, dude!" LOL!
Life is short: enjoy leather!
As my partner was doing our laundry, he remarked, "there's less laundry than usual since you have gone back to work and telecommute most days."
I said, "yep, do you know why?" He smiled, looked at me, then came over and said, "I love to hug my man in leather."
I wear full leather most of the time when I do not have to go to a meeting or my "real" office. Thus, fewer clothes have to be washed. And continuing with my thread of explaining how we make financial decisions, we do not bring our laundry out to be cleaned. We do it ourselves. Easier, cheaper, convenient. And since we don't dress up much, we do not wear clothes that would have to be cleaned at a dry cleaner. Okay, there I go again with my "anti-suit" prejudice, as well as my frugality. So be it -- I admit to both.
Life is short: wear leather! (and save water by doing less laundry! LOL!)
PS: Now that it is significantly warmer, the days I telecommute may find me just wearing a pair of shorts (no boots, either!) Too warm for leather and it doesn't make sense to pay for air conditioning just to cool the indoor air enough to make leather clothing tolerable. I'd rather keep the AC off during the day and be (almost) naked. Shhhh... don't tell the boss that a conference call I was on from home found me in that state. I am so glad (for their sake) that these calls do not have a video component! LOL!
Someone sent me an email asking, "can you wear leather on Easter Sunday?"
Well, you can. Question is, do you want to?
I do. Happy Easter! (for those who celebrate this holiday). Today I've got a lot to do, and I'll do it in leather (or in a pair of dressy leather pants, anyway.)
I will begin the day by taking several of my senior pals to an Easter Sunday sunrise service at oh-dark-30. The weather is promising to be cool and dry -- perfect for an outdoor service. I plan to wear a light blue regular dress shirt, my dark blue leather tie, and a my dress leather pants over a pair of dress instep Dehner boots. I do not have a leather blazer that fits, so I probably will wear a light leather jacket if I wear any jacket at all. But not a suit jacket or sport coat (blech...).
Some among you may be aghast: No.big.deal. It's what I wear. The leather pants are dressy, and look nice -- as nice as (or better than) a pair of dress slacks. They look good with the boots, too ... or the other way around: the boots look good with them. Not with leather tucked into them. There are times when it is not quite appropriate to wear leather tucked into tall boots, like at Mass.
After the early morning service, I'll return home. I have to drive my truck to the service, as I am giving a ride to four other lovely ladies. After I drive back home, I will yank off the tie. No ties where I go next! I will take off the dress shirt, too, and put on a blue denim shirt and wear a thicker leather motorcycle jacket, hop on my Harley, then go pick up a senior pal who is celebrating her 85th birthday and take her to a celebratory brunch. After that, I will ride over to a sister's house. She and her husband are having an Easter Egg Hunt for the grandchildren -- some of my Great Nieces and Great Nephews. I will enjoy playing with the kiddos and having (another) Easter Brunch with the fam.
But the day isn't over. After that, I'm heading over to a brother's house to do the same thing with his and his wife's grandkids -- all 18 of them. Then we will enjoy lunch.
Where's the partner, you ask? He's up in da 'burgh (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA), visiting his mother for Easter. He wouldn't join me anyway with my family festivities. Kids and noise and joshing and loudness bother him quite a bit.
After a long lunch with this part of my family, I plan to drop by a niece's house. She and her family just moved into a new home, and they are having a cookout as an informal housewarming.
So yeah, I'll be in leather and boots for the day. Perhaps riding the Harley gives an "excuse," but even if the weather were cold and lousy and I had to drive my "cage" all day, I would still have my dress leather pants on.
I don't know quite what it is about guys having conniption fits about wearing leather pants or jeans. I think a lot of guys would *like* to do it, but have hang-ups about being thought of as "gay" or a "rock star" or a "punk." Oh cripes, not the case. These guys need to think about what makes them believe this stuff. Who told them that or what did they read that influences them to abhor wearing leather pants? If they are dressy, then my opinion is: wear leather pants and enjoy. 'nuf said. (I sure have said enough about that on this blog!)
Happy Easter! To answer that email: Yes you CAN wear leather on Easter, and it's okay to do so. It is not a fashion faux pas to do so. At least not in my world.
Life is short: be the man you are, and comfortable in your own skin (and the skin of cows!)
A friend sent me a guest blog post which appeared yesterday, titled, "Is the Alpha-Male a Real Person?" He described his emergence through youth to adulthood, and pondered a question that I have asked myself a lot -- does wearing boots (and in my case, leather garments as well) indicate anything about one's self-perception of his masculinity?
Like my friend, I wasn't good at "guy things" when I was a kid. Throw a ball to me, and I would miss it. When he talked about "being beamed by the ball in dodgeball," I could so relate. Last picked for any team in physical education classes in school, picked on and bullied by others who felt a need to demonstrate their self-perceived superiority, and being interested in activities like cooking -- all of these things were "me" in my teen years, too.
Also like my friend, when I was a kid, I found a pair of boots that belonged to an alpha male. In my friend's example, the boots he found and tried on were his father's. In my case, the boots that I found belonged to a ranch hand on a family horse ranch in Oklahoma where I spent a lot of time as a kid. The boots I found were an old pair of well-worn, dirty cowboy boots. Man, I admired those boots for the ruggedness that they presented by the the Marlboro Man who wore them.
I have said that I got into boots when I was ten, and haven't worn other footwear since then. I just liked to wear boots. Made me feel a bit taller, and a bit more proud. I guess one could say, boots made me feel more masculine, too -- though as a teen and 20-something, I continued to have doubts.
I got into motorcycling in my very late teens, and have enjoyed riding ever since. I was influenced to learn to ride a motorcycle by an alpha-male friend who was a year older in high school -- the taller, leaner, graceful and athletic guy who befriended his "little buddy." He wore engineer boots to school with a Levi jacket with the sleeves torn off, white pocket t-shirt, shoulder-length hair, and in many ways appealed to my inner sense of "coolness" as a guy. He was admired by many, dated a lot of girls, and usually was the center of attention though he didn't seek it. Yet he took time to spend with me to take me as a passenger on motorcycle rides and then teach me how to ride when I was old enough (and helped me convince my Mom to let me.)
Becoming a "biker" meant adopting certain attire -- the leather. First a leather bomber jacket, then chaps, then some vests, then I took the real plunge and got a pair of leather jeans and a leather shirt. Man, I loved how the gear felt -- and used the "excuse" that I had to wear the gear for my protection when riding my motorcycle. My Mom "bought it" in that she actually bought me some leather gear for Christmas and some birthdays during my first few years of motorcycling.
As I often say, I wear leather garments regularly, not just for once-a-year events. I ask myself (and have been asked by others,) "do you wear leather because you want to project a masculine appearance?" Come to think of it, the answer to that is "yes" -- but it is not the main reason why I do. I return to restating that I like how it feels, keeps me warm, protects me from road hazards when I ride my Harley, and is so versatile.
Sure, most guys do not wear leather as much as I do. And these days, there are some perceptions from some people that guys who wear leather all the time are always gay. I think that comes from perceptions still held from the campy performances of The Village People and the tune, in particular, Macho Man. One of the performers was always dressed in full leather, and they all were gay. Thus, the linking of wearing full leather and being gay stuck in the minds of many men and women who grew up when The Village People were popular.
In converse to this, there are some guys -- particularly motorcyclists -- who probably would like to wear leather more often, but choose not to do that because they do not want people to think they are gay, or they themselves believe that wearing leather is a "gay thing." Thinking aloud here, perhaps I am fulfilling that prophecy by showing up in full leather at all my straight-biker events.
Regardless, I have learned that there are differences in what makes a man a man -- not by the choice of what he wears (boots, leather, etc.), but by how he behaves and interacts with others. To me, a "real man" is a guy who is successful in his work and in his relationships with people. He demonstrates that he cares by the actions he takes. Fortunately these days, one's masculinity is not questioned (much) if a man takes care of children, pays attention to his parents and elders, and is involved in community groups like the PTA or civic organizations.
Yes, I choose to wear boots and leather, but that's a reflection of the person who I am, as well as my disdain for dressing in suits & ties or gym clothes or wearing sneakers.
According to many websites and blogs, like this one as an example, an alpha male is comfortable in his own skin, doesn't care what other people think about him, can and often does put his ego aside and knows that only insecure men need to protect their ego at the expense of learning and growing, has a good sense of humor, and is dominant.
By hook or crook, perhaps practice, or due to my upbringing, I have most of those characteristics: I am definitely comfortable in my own skin (and the skin of cows), I don't give a rat's patootee about what other people think of me (personally) or what I'm wearing, and I do not have much of an ego. I would not say that I am dominant, but in a way if you observe me in a group, I am usually in the center and serve in leadership rather than following roles. I guess the only alpha male trait that I don't have is a good sense of humor. I really struggle with that; my humor is more like bad puns, corny jokes, and double-entendre.
But I am not self-centered nor think that I am superior to others. That's just not me. I work hard at caring for other people, and consider most people my equal (save for the few who feel that they have to take shots at me, this blog, my videos, or my website because they have issues of their own to resolve. People who behave like that are below my standards and I choose not to associate with them if I can avoid it.)
As my friend summed up in his post yesterday, "be who you are, and be proud of who you are." I have learned to be who I am and proud of it as I have matured and have become self-confident. I give no credence to what other people think (or sometimes say) about my wearing leather or boots. Those in my life know the man I am. I would hope they would say, "he is a caring, thoughtful man." That's it -- my "manliness" is defined by my actions and behavior, not by the costume I wear or trying to be someone I am not.
It took a long time for me to learn that. And it also took a long time for me to learn that one can be a Man -- and be gay. One can carry himself in a masculine manner -- and be gay. To me, the two are not related.
Life is short: know yourself and be yourself.
The day? Began early at the usual 4am time by getting up to bake not one but two birthday cakes for two senior pals. While the cakes were baking, I prepared lunch for my partner and saw him off to work. I began my work day by answering email for about an hour. When the cakes were done, cooled, and iced, I drove over to my pals' homes at 7am. (No, I wasn't on my Harley -- it was raining!) These pals are early risers, so I appeared at each of their doors, singing a song and giving each one her cake. Warm smiles and hugs started my day off right!
I returned home and got to work. I work from home most days. I left to go to lunch with a colleague and discuss some pressing issues. Again, I drove my truck because it was still raining. But there I was, in full leather. No.big.deal. (Ball cap, though, not a Muir. I did take a step back from the "full leatherman" depiction).
I stopped at the grocery store on my way home to get some things that we needed at home, plus a few items for a neighbor. I dropped off the neighbor's groceries and she invited me in for some cookies (she called it "coffee" but she knows that I don't drink the stuff, so I restrained myself, ate one cookie, and had some water.) Then I went back home because my work day was not over by a long-shot!
I worked and worked some more. Many telephone calls and emails and writing and reviewing and such. Keeps me hopping.
My partner came home, and I prepared our dinner, as usual. I always prepare a home-cooked meal. This time it was home-made ravioli, salad, and a sliver of cake. Milk for me, juice for my partner. (We don't drink wine or alcohol.)
After dinner, I attended a meeting at a county office building. No change in clothing (or even boots for that matter; these Wescos are comfy.) Ball cap again.
Came home, chatted with my partner about the shenanigans that went on at the meeting. I am sooooo glad I'm not chairing those sessions any more. It's nice to be the "emeritus" past President and not have to negotiate the results. My mentee who was elected last year to my former position did splendidly, and has a lot more patience than I do.
Off to bed by 9, as usual. That's when I finally pulled off the boots, carefully hung up the leather, and crawled into bed to snuggle with my hunk, and slept soundly.
I went into all of these details to describe that I really do wear leather regularly, in public, and not only when I ride my Harley. No.big.deal. My Harley can be used as a side-story for why I have the gear, but the leather-wearing for me is commonplace, comfortable, and appropriate for the coolish, wet weather we have been having lately.
If you wondered -- nope, nobody said a thing about the leather. Not at my senior pals' homes, not at lunch, not at the grocery store, not at the neighbor's, not at the meeting. There were people in all these places who do not know me, yet none said a thing. If you think someone might make a snide remark, think again. It really doesn't happen and the concern is more in your mind than anywhere else.
Life is short: get over your hang-ups about wearing leather in public and get a return on your investment! Wear it!
Search engines drive interesting results to this blog and to my website. Recently, someone from Sacramento, California, searched a question, "Do leather pants go inside the boots or on the outside?"
Answer: yes.
I am not being flip. Well, yes I am but let me explain.
The choice to wear leather pants inside or outside boots depends on two things:
1. The look that you want to have.
2. The thickness of the leather.
I'll tackle this in reverse, because ultimately whether it is possible to wear leather pants (jeans, breeches) inside tall boots depends a great deal on the thickness of the leather from which the garment is made.
If you have very thick leather pants, then stuffing all that leather inside tall boots will likely cause it to bulge or bunch up at the knees and look dorky. You just can't get it all in there. The calf circumference of the boots you choose to wear (sometimes called "calf width") has a lot to do with that, too. If the boots fit you tightly, there will not be enough room for leather, particularly thick leather, to fit over your lower leg and allow you to pull the boots on so you end up with a smooth appearance of where the leather pants fit into the boots.
Ultimately, that's what you want: smooth, clean lines of leather meeting leather. This is what I referred to above by "the look that you want to have."
Wearing leather isn't rocket science. If the pants fit into boots smoothly, and that is the look that you are going for, then wear them that way.
Leather pants made as breeches are specifically made to be worn inside tall boots. Breeches become more narrow at the ankle, and usually have a closure like a zipper to fit them closely at the ankle. The tapering leather and closing holds the breeches down inside boots.
If you have leather pants or jeans with a regular opening at the bottom (that is, about 16-1/2" to 17" around), and if you want to wear them inside tall boots, then you have to wrap the leather at the bottom of the leg carefully around the ankle. Most guys pull socks up over the leather at the ankles to hold it wrapped there. Essentially, a sock wrapped around the leather serves a similar purpose as tapered legs with zipper closures -- it forms a way to hold the leather down smoothly so boots fit over the legs neatly.
If, however, the leather pants are long (that is, come down to your foot) and the leather is thick, you probably can't do that. You end up with a 1" to 3" mass of leather bunched up at the ankle. When you pull boots on, the extra leather presses against the foot, and may cause some pain.
A trick that I learned when I want to wear tall boots over leather pants is to pull the pants on, but leave them open at the waist while wrapping the leather at the ankle, pulling the sock over it, and smoothing it out. Then I will pull on my boots, stand up, and then pull up my pants, tuck in my shirt, close the fly, button or snap the pants at the waist, put on and close my belt.
I know this is not the usual way that men pull on their pants -- they put them on, close them up and tighten the belt, then they put on their boots. However, if you do it the way that I described, when you pull your pants up after pulling your boots on, the leather will smooth out at the knee and won't bunch up. The result is a cleaner, smoother appearance, which is ultimately what you want.
Now, to explore the searched question further: DO leather pants go inside or outside boots, with my answer being, "yes," not only does it matter what kind of leather pants you have and how thick the leather is, but it also depends on your confidence and self-perception. If you are afraid of what other people may say, call you "gay" or make jokes like, "playing cop today, are ya?" -- then you either need to develop more confidence and be prepared to respond to comments like that with a well-rehearsed reply, like: "yeah, aren't the pants and boots cool?" or "I like how they look" or "you know I'm not a cop, but I like the appearance" and just chill out.
If however, you are unable to develop that confidence level or are truly afraid of what other people may say, then put the leather and boots away, and reduce yourself to wearing jeans and sneakers and call it a day (but by all means, do not ride a motorcycle in sneakers!)
Life is short: wear leather!
