Others Before Self

I guess it's how I was raised and how I am wired. It's a foundation of my deep, personal faith. It's how my Mom and Dad expected us to live, and how they demonstrated through their own actions that what's more important is others before self. Simple as that, and sometimes as hard as that.

This morning as I dodged commuters rushing onto the Metro train, pushing people out of their way so they could be first, I thought, "others before self." As I was getting off the train, I blocked the way for an older person to get off the train before I did, and protected her from the thundering, thoughtless, masses streaming toward us.

Last night as I was mulling over a decision on a local development project in my role as a local community activist. I thought that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, but then again, I thought "others before self." What do those most affected think? I asked, and we formed a position that was more inclusive and better focused. (Thought I must say that I have little tolerance for NIMBYs).

When the local water utility painted their water tower and lowered the antenna for a cell phone provider that was on top of the tower, thus causing poor signals in the area and people not being able to connect to their service, I thought, "so what?" Personally, I detest those annoying devices. But then I thought, "others before self." There are others who truly felt that they had a serious problem. So I in my role as a community leader, I helped the affected neighbors negotiate with the cell carrier for a COW (cell on wheels) to be brought in until the antenna can be raised back to its former height.

When my uncle was in the winter of his life and had made the decision to stop taking his meds and suffer the consequences which would lead to certain death, I initially tried to talk him out of it. I didn't want my uncle to die; I truly enjoyed every minute I had with him and selfishly wanted more. I hadn't finished writing the book about his life. I didn't want to let go. But then I thought, "others before self." My uncle had lived a rich and wonderful life, and now he had made the decision to die. Five days later and with the support of home hospice care, he passed away. I was holding his hand as he took his last breath. He died with dignity and honor, at home, with his loving wife of 64 years nearby. "Others before self" had never been so hard, but never felt as good.

When my sister was dying and needed a kidney transplant, all us siblings were tested. I was a close match. I was warned about potential future health consequences if I donated a kidney (and certainly I have suffered those consequences). But "others before self" ... my sister is fine now. (Though I suggest to the doctor during our annual checkup that he knock her out and we switch kidneys, because she got the "better" one, and now I can hardly eat anything anymore without either getting sick or gaining weight or both).

I'm no saint. I have many faults, failures, and foibles. But thinking about how things affect other people is more important to me than how things affect me. There are so darn many conceited, ego-driven people in the world, I often wonder how we manage to survive. Fortunately, I know that I am not the only one who takes time to think of others before self. Certainly my siblings do, and those who I call my close friends do, as well. And my partner deserves a medal for how he thinks of "others before self" as he demonstrates his care and concern for his mother, and for me.

Life is short: wear your boots, and give a little thought to someone else today, and remember to smile -- that's the easiest and least costly way to think of others before self. A smile brings sunshine and makes everyone around you feel better.