Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's Not All Sex

I get amused by the straight guys who react with a bit of fear and some curiosity about how us "gay guys" live. There seems to be an ongoing thought among the straight world that sex is the only thing that gay men "do" or that keeps them together.

Sorry to burst your bubble, straight guys, but just like you, what attracts us gay guys to our mates is more than physical attributes.

So for my 300th post here on Blogger, I thought I would talk a bit about the relationship I have with my man, and while sex is part of it, it's not the only thing.

As with all couples, we have our ups and downs, our good times and our bad. We think differently, and react to what goes on in our lives differently. My partner is a wonderful man in many respects; he is honest, intelligent, trustworthy, and romantic. But we're not always in sync and despite what some may think, we have our share of "challenges." After all, we're human.

Here's where we're different:
  • I enjoy people and socializing while my partner is a recluse. He strongly dislikes socializing.

  • I am a visionary, and tend to talk through what I'm thinking about before having a concrete plan. My partner is like Joe Friday, "just the facts, sir" and that's it.

  • I am a conversationalist. I believe in talking through disagreements, finding common ground, and achieving consensus. My partner becomes highly annoyed when I talk too much and don't get to the point soon enough.

  • When something comes to my partner's attention that has to be done, such as refilling the napkin container or paying a bill for his mother, he drops everything and does it -- even if it's right in the middle of dinner. I make lists and plan ahead, and organize each of my actions in logical order. I'm not saying my partner is illogical; his methods of organization and prioritizing are vastly different from mine.

  • When my partner is in pain, which due to his disability is frequent, he reacts with emotion and says things that he doesn't mean. He can get ugly and difficult, and there's no reasoning with una mente testadura molta. I can't relate to his medical condition because I have no idea what it's like to live with chronic, severe pain. I just suck it up and let him rant.

  • When I get busy with things going on at work, meetings in the community, and helping my "elder buds" and family, I sometimes have trouble saying "no" and offer to do more, or spend more time away from home. My partner gets somewhat irritated when I do that. I have to remember that he's my #1, and devote time to "just us."
All-in-all, we have a great relationship, but it is work. Just like straight couples have to work on their relationships. Couples don't "get along" just because they have good sex (though that's helpful [smile]); couples endure as a couple because they respect one another, are honest with each other, communicate on an ongoing basis, and pay attention to one another.

And having a good relationship includes a continuous "dose" of romance throughout, from little things like baking him heart-shaped cookies, to snuggling up next to him on the couch, to just holding him and giving him a big hug, to chasing him around the house sometimes, laughing and giggling when he lets me "catch" him. He brings me flowers, scratches my "itchy back," and frequently is romantic with me in other small but most-noticed ways, as well.

So it's not all sex. It's a relationship -- love, respect, thought, words, and deeds. My relationship with my partner means the world to me, so despite how crazy-busy I get with other things, there are times when I say, "no, sorry, I can't attend that function" or "no, sorry, I'm busy" because I'm paying attention to my #1. My one-and-only, my man, my love, my partner.

1 comment:

Mr.Macabre said...

What a great post! I am astounded about all the similiarites you both have with my partner and I and was wondering if a relationship was as much work for others as it was for us.
Would really love seeing more of your insights about relationships, both the good and the bad. I've been reading for quite a long time and it has helped me in quite a number of ways in my partner and my relationship.