There is a common assumption among many in the gay world that all men who enjoy leather also always are into BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, and Sado-Mascochism, sometimes referred to SM or S&M). According to Wikipedia, BDSM "defines a spectrum of behaviors, including dominance, submission, punishment, masochism, bondage, role play, and a large variety of other activities, frequently sexual in nature."
And while it's true that many men who are into BDSM are into leather and uniforms which fulfill their role playing for such activities, I contend that it is not true the other way around: not all men who are into leather are into BDSM. Many guys into BDSM use leather products, such as restraints, collars, whips, paddles, and similar items as part of their sex play. Some who enjoy BDSM have told me that they get much more of a sexual charge in certain "SM scenes". I'll leave it at that; this is a G-rated Blog.
As for me, I have witnessed actual torture in some parts of the world. I have observed man's inhumanity to man. It was dreadful, frightening, and I felt woefully deficient and horrible if I couldn't put a stop to it. What I saw was so repugnant and horrifying that I had nightmares for years following. I tried to help those who were tortured recover from their wounds, both physical and mental, and my "mental wounds" will never go away.
Because of my own experience, I could not consider engaging in BDSM activities, nor would I find it interesting, "fun," or sexually stimulating. In fact, if my mind is diverted to memories of those past witnessed events, I lose all interest in whatever I'm doing, turn pale, my stomach starts turning, and I need to sit down and do something to bring my mind back to reality and the current day.
Do I think BDSM is bad? Do I think poorly of men who engage in these activities? No! I truly believe that everyone can do and enjoy what they like, as long as the activities are consensual, safe sex is practiced, drugs aren't involved, and that there is a complete discussion among all participants beforehand. Honestly, I think one of the best writers on the topic is John Pendal, Mr. International Leather 2003. Read his writings (click on the index page then "Harness" columns).
As for me? I'm into leather because I'm a Biker, I like it, it feels good, is durable, warm, comfortable, and looks good on me (or I feel that it does). Are the Leathercops going to confiscate my gear because I'm not into BDSM? Ha! I'd like to know who they are and for them to try. That could be fun!
1 comment:
I think there's also an assumption that people who enjoy bondage also enjoy SM, pain or "discipline". That's generally not the case for me: sweaty, sensual bondage verging into discomfort yes; pain no.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years in this whole area, it's that there's a million and one ways to slice and dice what one likes, wears, and does. Everyone's attracted to a slightly different combination of "ingredients", everyone's unique!
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