A Cop's Coming Out Process

I mentioned in a previous blog post that a fine young motor officer contacted me for some conversation on how to deal with coming out to his boss and peers in his Police Department.

It's interesting -- I have received more visits to that blog post than most others I have written. In one week, more than 1,000 unique visitors have read it, and it has been linked from two message forums that are supportive of LGBT issues in the workplace.

I also have received over a dozen email messages. One of them, in particular, was exceptional in that it provided me with some suggestions of additional resources in which my buddy might be interested. One of them is bluepride.org, a website specifically for and by the LGBT law enforcement community. The other was a book titled, Coming Out From Behind the Badge, which is a chronicle of a gay cop in Canada who worked through the coming out process, married his man, and is doing well.

I forwarded those thoughtful messages to my buddy. I also have had several conversations on the phone with him. And now, here's an update directly from him, in his words (reproduced with his permission):

I just had "the talk" with the District Commander and my boss. I explained to them factually that I am Gay. I said that I wanted to let them know because it was important to me to live an honest life. I felt that hiding my sexual orientation was causing me to live with less personal integrity. If I value anything, it is that others perceive that I do a good job and am a man of high integrity (as I have learned that you are).

Further, I realize that everyone else in my Department "has my back" as I have theirs. I want them to know that I am no less of a Police Officer because I'm Gay. I do not want any special favors or treatment.

I also told them what you suggested, that I appreciate that the Department is included in the [local government's] non-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation. I said that nothing had happened that caused me to come speak to them, but every now-and-then guys talk and say things that have made me uneasy. But I'll deal with it as it happens.

I sat there waiting for their reaction. I was so nervous. At first, neither of them said anything. My heart began to beat hard. I was sweating. The Commander reached over and shook my hand and said, "thanks for speaking with us. I appreciate your honesty and candor. Your work here has been outstanding. How can we help you?"

[some content deleted here to protect privacy]

I feel so much better now. Thanks!

Well, buddy, you did the hard work. I admire your strength, determination, and most of all, your integrity. I'm here for 'ya, and look forward to ongoing conversations.