Our relationship isn't all sunshine and roses. We have difficult times, too, borne of misunderstandings, misdirected anger, competing priorities, and different interests. But overall, we work it out and recognize that we are different men who have different priorities and ways of accomplishing tasks.
Anyway, the email messages have commonalities: * I want to find a man who shares my interest in boots and leather; * ... my interest in (certain sexual activities); * ... my interest in (certain sexual fetishes). The list seems to center on looking for a man who will share sex or sexual-related interests in a certain way.
Let me ask: are you looking for a man for a fun fling, or are you looking for a man to share your heart, your soul, and your life? There is a big, big difference. The fun fling you may enjoy today may not be the same kind of fun you will enjoy in a few years. Believe me, your sexual interests will change as you age. That's not a bad thing. It's reality. (Nobody wants to admit that things like that will change as he ages).
Sure, I admit, I was first attracted to my man by his strong, masculine appearance in boots and leather. His physique. His smile. His beautiful blue eyes, and his cute butt. He captured my attention, and my libido responded. However, as I spoke with him, I learned that there was so much more "there" there. I also learned that the boots and leather thing was more of a costume for the activity on the day we met than a lifestyle choice, as it was (and still is) for me.
At the time we met in 1993, I was not dating nor seeing anyone. I was too busy with my work which required a hell of a lot of travel, and didn't have time (and was somewhat afraid) of going out to look for a man. Also, remember, this was before the Internet was widespread and available, so the only methods of finding anyone was going out to a bar and/or listing an ad in a gay newspaper -- both of which did not appeal to me.
The theme of the email messages that I received reminded me of the song that Johnny Lee wrote and was made famous in the movie Urban Cowboy. The song is "Lookin' for Love" and some of the applicable lyrics from the chorus are as follows:
Lookin' for love in too many places
Searchin'
Of what I'm dreamin' of
Hoping to find a friend and a lover
I'll bless the day I discover,
You - lookin' for love.
What I was reading in the email messages was that guys are looking for something that is a lifetime thing, but they are limiting their exploration by first deciding to have an interest in someone if he shares a similar proclivity toward sexual activities only.
In my opinion, they've got it backwards. I truly feel that the guy who will become your mate has to have a solid head on his shoulders. He needs to be smart, financially sound, and honest. He needs to demonstrate his commitment to his mate which can be measured by other commitments he has made: to his family, to his work, to his community, and if involved, to his place of worship. His financial stability can be measured by how and where he spends his money, and if he is overextended on credit, or lives in a shack.
I have no magic formula or advice on how to find the right guy. You'll know him when you find him. The hearts click, the brains click. You just know. But don't focus on the sex part -- the part that makes the man a good, honest, wholesome and trustworthy, man is so much more important. That is what is going to carry you through your life. Not the sex. Not the toys. Not the short-term good times.
I know that from experience, which I share with you.
Life is short: look for love for the right reasons.
1 comment:
"Article" wrote:
Love is elusive when you consciously chase it. Let love find you. Thanks for sharing your story.
[BHD note:] this person attempted to embed a link to a sex toys vendor, which violates the Commenting Policy of this blog. I liked the comment, so I posted that, but stripped out the link to the commercial company. I strictly enforce my commenting policy, so please don't abuse the privilege of leaving a comment on this blog.
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