Saturday, July 2, 2011

Just Holding His Hand

Here I go again, posting about how much I love my partner.

For the past several months, my partner has not been well. I have described what is going on in previous posts on this blog. He's managing, and we'll get through it, together. But there's a long road ahead.

As my partner has had symptoms that cause him to suffer, then finding out the cause (a non-cancerous brain tumor), he has been even more quiet and reserved than ever. He is behaving that way because he is frightened. I understand that.

I want to help him as much as I can, but there is little that I can do... or so I thought.

What I quickly figured out what he needs most right now is to have me sit with him, hold his hand, and just "be" with him. So that is what I am doing. Just holding his hand, keeping close. We don't have to say a word, and often we don't. He can feel how much I love him, just by holding his hand. He knows. I know. That's what a true, loving relationship is all about.

I felt badly in the way that I allowed other activities in my life take me away from my partner at a time when he needs me to comfort him. I got busy with family, with my motorcycle riding club, with my senior pals, and with community leadership work. I would look forward to writing blog posts and updating my website and so forth and so on -- all taking me away from spending time with my partner.

Was it that I didn't want to be with him? Of course not. But I allowed other things to consume precious time. Fortunately, if I can say one thing for being together 18+ years is that my partner understood that being "busy" was how I was. He never asked for anything, and didn't complain when I ran off to this meeting or got involved in that project out-of-the-house.

But another credit to being together as long as we have been together is that I figured it out fairly quickly (or at least I am giving myself credit for it) ... he wanted and needed more time with me. I scaled back my other activities tremendously -- because, after all, my partner truly is my life, my love, my one-and-only. Nothing and no one is more important to me than he is. So if the blog doesn't get written, the website gets stale, the Harley sits in the garage -- so be it. He is my number one.

Life is short: hold the hand of the one you love.

No comments: