Dress Wingtips and Cocktail Attire

So, how do you like my new shoes? They are, according to the Esquire "Best Dressed Real Man" contest, the hottest thing for men this Spring.

When I was asked to enter the contest from several people who are always in awe of my innate sense of fashion and style, I saw that these shoes were on the list of what was considered the ultimate in men's fashion, and I had to have them. Since money isn't an object for the guppy set, I used my cell phone to call the valet to bring 'round my newly-leased Lexus LX09 Hybrid SUV and drove myself over to Neiman Marcus to get a pair. I mean heck, they were only $495 a pair. I purchased a pair in black, too, since they were such a great buy. (You don't just get these shoes, you go through a purchasing experience at their sales event). And while I was there, I got fitted for three new suits and picked up a half-dozen new fine silk ties. My old suits and ties were getting a little tattered. I've been wearing them for a few months now. Time for Spring duds and also time to donate my hardly-used clothing to the Planet Aid bin in the grocery store's parking lot.

And what a pleasant surprise! They gave me a set of men's hair and skin products as a gift for buying the suits (wow, a $100 value!), consisting of green tea face wash (that's the latest thing, fellas!), herbal skin softener, under-eye toner, and ginseng hair rinse. Oh, and bottle of ode-de-realman cologne, too! Wow!

In reviewing on-line articles about cocktail attire, where it says that "boots under trousers are an abomination," I know a new suit, tie, and expensive dress wingtip shoes will be the hit of the party at the latest gathering in Guppyville!

After the great shopping experience, I dropped into a nearby Starbucks. I began Twittering on my laptop. While sipping a java chip frappacinno, admiring the new shoes, I sat back and said...






OH MY GOD! WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

April Fools!