Our Anniversary: What I Have Learned in 16 Years

Sixteen years: it seems like yesterday and it seems like forever, both. On April 25, 1993, at precisely 8:10am, in the basement of a house on T Street, NW, Washington, DC, I met the man who has fundamentally changed my life so much for the better: my partner, my man.

I explained in last year's anniversary blog post how we came to meet, so I won't repeat myself.

I have learned many important life lessons over these years:

• Love is indeed something you get back more of the more you give it away.


• That by being faithful, honest, and true that the same qualities are returned equally.

• It IS okay to be completely "me" with someone who composes the richest part of my life. He has definitely seen me at my worst, at my best, and in all phases in between. He truly loves all of me: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. My love is returned to him exactly the same way.


• To have faith that no matter how you blunder, no matter what you've goofed up, if he loves you, he will forgive, move on, and continue to love.


• That being goofy and silly and giving voices to our little farm of stuffed animals is not only endearing to him, it is appreciated for the fun it brings to our lives.


• What "dependable" really means: What it means to depend on someone and for others to depend on you -- and how reliability and dependability are synonymous.


• What a conversation is, rather than babble; what listening really means, rather than cursory "uh-huhs"; and how words convey thought. But I have also learned that action following those words proves more than just talking about it.


• That civic responsibility is valued.


• The reason why we never fight about money is that we have no reason to do that -- we think exactly the same way when it comes to handling individual and shared finances. We don't spend what we don't have.


• That trust is built through ongoing demonstration of the reasons for that basis of trust, and that it isn't a one-time thing. Trust is tested in a variety of ways, and the response to those tests proves what integrity means.

Do we have a perfect relationship? No, but we're working on it. We're very different men, with different backgrounds, experiences, and interests. But what has formed the foundation of our solid relationship is that we respect that we have these differences. We don't criticize or put the other down because he doesn't understand. We help each other learn and as a result, we continue to grow as individuals and as a couple.

16 years... who woulda thunk? Today, I really can't imagine what my life would be like without my man. He isn't my "other half." He IS me and I am him and we truly are bound at the soul. (Te he, now I have found a form of bondage that I can say I enjoy!)

I looked on the Internet to try to find what the appropriate gift would be for a 16 year anniversary. It says, "silver holloware." What's that? A sugar bowl. Heck, I can do better than that. And my partner doesn't use sugar anyway.

The gift I give my man today (and always) is the same gift he gives me all days: unconditional love, support, gratitude, joy, happiness, and smiles, with a mix of faithfulness, honestly, devotion, sexual energy, attention, and integrity thrown in.

I blog often about the importance of smiling, and I can honestly say that I DO have a silly grin on my face most of the time because my life with my man is so strong and solid that I have a real reason to smile often. It's easier to take the lumps of coal that life deals out on occasion when I have that sugar bowl at home. (Metaphorically speaking only.)

Today is the anniversary of the day we met. I am so richly blessed, and I remain head over bootheels in love with the man of my life. He is my very essence of being. Happy Anniversary, my love! Always: ILYAWM BB!