"... expression for conventional sex without any kinky extras such as bondage or sado-masochism." (source).
I have been "into leather" for decades, and some may call me an "Old Guard Leatherman." I regularly wear a Muir Cap (traditional "old guard" regalia), as well as full leather and tall boots. (note -- when I say "regularly," I mean "often" -- not just to once-a-year events like MAL or IML or a MC club's "run.") Heck, sometimes I even mix it up with other things, like a flannel shirt with brown leather jeans, or a black leather shirt with blue denim jeans.Why do I wear leather gear regularly? I like how it protects me when I ride my Harley, how it keeps me warm, and how it feels on my body. It is comfortable, practical, and exceptionally long-lasting. Since I wear leather a lot in my off-time, I do not buy jeans or other casual clothes nearly as much as other guys do -- simply because I don't have to, as my regular clothes have much less wear and do not need to be replaced as often.
I surf the 'net and read a lot about gay guys who enjoy leather and sexual activities that they do while wearing leather. My perceptions may be grossly affected by what I am reading on the Internet, as I blogged about on Tuesday.
It caused me to think, "is there such a thing as being 'too vanilla' for leather?" I do not like bondage, but have no ill-will toward those who do. I never have nor would engage in S&M sexual activities. My reasons for this aversion go back to a previous job where I once rescued bound victims of actual human torture. The memories continue to haunt me, and thus anything related to bondage and/or S&M become as much "unstimulating" to me as they may stimulate others.
Are there "rules" that gay men who wear leather must also like to engage in kinky sex that involves bondage or S&M? Are there leathercops who will confiscate my leather gear because I do not engage in "more active" leathersex that most would define as "kinky"?Harumppph.... the closest I get to kinky sex is wearing boots, chaps, and a vest when I play with my partner. This is a "G-rated" blog, so I will not describe our sexual activity (and it's none of your business, anyway). Let me suffice it to say that what we do is rather vanilla. That is how we enjoy it. Since we are monogamous and we both are tops, we do what pleases the other, and get sexual and personal satisfaction pleasing our mate.
But I digress... is it a contradiction in terms to say "vanilla leatherman?" In my case, I do not think so. I venture to say that I think that the vast majority of gay guys who like to wear leather do not engage in kinky leathersex. But the perceptions are that most guys into leather do engage in active, kinky sex. These perceptions are driven by what people read and view today on the Internet, and yesterday in porn mags and videos.
I wonder what others may think.
Life is short: wear your leather!
4 comments:
My reasons for this aversion go back to a previous job where I once rescued bound victims of actual human torture. The memories continue to haunt me, and thus anything related to bondage and/or S&M become as much "unstimulating" to me as they may stimulate others.
Naturally, it's important to emphasise that the difference between what you're describing and SM/bondage is the vital element of consent. Even those of us who are hugely stimulated by bondage are, generally speaking, able to hold that distinction in mind. The same, obviously, is true of so-called "vanilla" sex: people who have worked with victims of rape (as I have, in a previous job) are not necessarily turned off penetrative sex for life; this is because we can mentally distinguish between consensual sex (however "rough") and non-consensual sexual abuse.
I've noticed that the longer a relationship lasts, the more satisfying "vanilla sex" becomes. I like BDSM, but I certainly don't need it. Like you, I am a top and the most important thing for me in sexual encounters is my ability to give pleasure to my partner, so I am very atune to what is most appropriate for that person at that time than I am to any personal taste or fetish.
And yeah, it's boots and leather every day.
I'm guessing that relationships vary. My own (15 years) has become richer and more intimate, but not more vanilla. I suppose I always tended to compartmentalise in that I played BDSM (without "sex" in the conventional sense) with other people, and everything else with my partner. That works for us. Other people, I'm sure, manage things differently.
All relationships are different, the commenters have said. What SJ says works for him would not work for us. My partner would feel betrayed if I played in a non-sexual way with anyone else, period, end-of-story. I think that I probably would feel the same way. We have mutually agreed that we only play with each other, period. That's it.
However we play together (leather or not), this is what makes us feel best, though we do not pass judgment on others. Everyone works things out they way that works best for them, and as long as the lines of communication are clear, open, and ongoing, things should be okay.
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