Relationships, even one as rock-solid as I have with my partner, require work and attention. They require ongoing, clear communication. They require flexibility, understanding, and a willingness to listen and resolve differences.
Lately, I've been torn between trying to find time for even just a little bit of fun, such as taking a ride on my Harley, with the onerous, exceptionally long list of projects to do at home. You think I was kiddin' the other day when I said that the "honey-do" list grows longer with each project that I complete? Not true... it really does.
A friend wrote to me and urged me to remember that the projects to do at home will always be there. The list never will be completed. There will always be things that need to be done. The question, then, is what "has" to be done "now" vs. what should be done "sometime." Meanwhile, he urged me to take a ride for an hour or two. Take some time for "me" and re-energize my inner biker soul.
I have had to reconfigure my schedule to accommodate many visits with my aunt to ensure she is well cared for and has everything she needs. I have had to postpone working outdoors when the weather is horridly hot and humid. I have had to spend more time on some projects that I thought would not take as long, thus throwing the schedule out the window. (Preferably a window that has to be replaced, so if I break it, it's no big deal [small joke].)
Meanwhile, my partner comes home after a long day at work and observes what, to him, is not much progress. He complains and feels stressed. His mother will visit at the end of the month, and he wants everything done at our house "now" before she visits -- so everything will be perfect.
I have learned that arguing or justifying delays doesn't get me anywhere. Instead, I pick my battles: what I really "have" to get across, vs. just sucking it up and letting him relieve his tension.
He may verbalize his concerns in a manner that isn't fit for a G-rated blog. However, I observe an hour later, he has internalized an understanding about what's going on and is then able to have a calm conversation about schedule adjustments. Rather than fight, I choose the right time to talk about it. Not when he is emoting, but when he has figured it out in his head. Doing that keeps the peace at home.
However, it means I give up a lot of what I might rather do. I'm not riding. I'm not doing much with my hobbies or interests. I haven't even attended a public hearing on community issues in over a month. I don't even respond to email on the day I get it much any more (unless it's urgent or related to an income-producing project). I never had time for chat boards or IM, and thank goodness I have not developed that expectation among my friends, because there is no way I could do that.
When am I writing this post? At 4am... I have an hour's quiet time before my partner rises... then the day moves into work...work... work.
Keep the peace, keep the relationship solid. Adjust, give... and it will all work out. It's not easy juggling these tasks with trying to have a life. At the moment, my life is on hold until after the MIL visits... then perhaps I can have a little bit of a break. Perhaps....
Life is short: choose your battles.
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