What he described is something about which I have written a number of posts on this blog over time: I'm a guy-guy, and my best half is a guy-guy, and that's the way I like it. That is, I am a man -- a masculine man -- and so is my partner. That's the type of guy I like: a man who is strong, virile, confident, secure, and has a head on his shoulders. He manages money appropriately, and doesn't spend what he doesn't have. He can think for himself, act accordingly, and respect himself enough not to be careless in thought, word, or deed. He is my equal, not subservient nor domineering.
If I wanted an effeminate partner, I might have married a woman. Femininity is fine -- for the female sex and some gay guys who prefer to behave that way. I just am not interested in femininity. Face it: I like men. Period. Nothin' wrong with that. I am a healthy, masculine guy who prefers the same.Some say that guys like me are wrong, mentally ill, or otherwise. Those who believe that rubbish continue to spread it. The vile hatred of homosexuality has become more subdued in its expressions over the last 50 years, but it is still there (notwithstanding the "religious wrong" zealots, but I forgive them for their sins, as they know not what they are talking about).
The snide, off-the-cuff comments about gay men are still heard. The silly comments that thoughtless, rude nitwits attempt to make on this blog or my YouTube channel continue to happen occasionally. I'm man enough to take it (and delete such comments since all comments in all of my public venues are screened before posting).
I hear expressions by men about women in settings such as over lunch with straight motorcycle riders, or how those guys express lusting for women or parts of their bodies -- as if all men feel the same way (we don't). I'm just used to it, though I still don't like it. I've quit trying to correct the world, because there are better battles to fight than "open mouth, insert foot" antics by men who are supposed to be adults.I assert that homosexual men who like masculine men are among the latest to "come out" and some never do. Often, they feel alone or that they're the only ones to feel the way that they do. They see, as I have, the frilly gay guys who appear in Gay Pride Parades and on some TV shows where their "gayness" is parodied. They feel, as I have, that the stereotype of gay men -- into fashion, home decorating, frolicking, and wine tastings -- is all that there is.
It isn't. Let me assure you, my partner and I are not the only gay couple of "equal men." And there are masculine gay guys out there who for various reasons, are single. I know several of them, including some of my closest friends.
Each man defines himself in three ways: as others see him (or how he thinks others see him), by how he observes others behave that imply he should behave similarly (and if he doesn't then something is 'wrong'), and by how he acts both toward himself (self-respect) and toward others.
What defining oneself as a man all comes down to is self-perception. If one has a healthy self-perception as a secure, confident man, who also happens to be interested in other men who are the same way, then that's sorta what begat this post in the first place: androphilia.
It is possible for a man's man to have an equal, loving, and caring partner who is also a man's man. My partner and I are living proof.
I define myself as a man, because I am. I do not define myself by my sexual orientation or by subtypes within the LGBT community. That is, I do not affiliate with labels such as "leatherman," "daddy," "bear," or whatnot. There are so many labels. Who I am is who I am and I don't waste time labeling what makes me who I am. I'm a man. My sisters are women. So what? The difference is our gender. (Thank goodness we do not have differences of opinion regarding acceptance of my sexual orientation. My family loves me for the man I am.)
Life is short: be who you are.
2 comments:
Brother, you are the man! Thanks for all you have done to care for our aunt. Your tender side shows in how you carry out your caring without fanfare. I admire you, and love you -- always have, always will.
See you in August for our birthday.
Big hugs, my "little" brother with the biggest heart I know,
J
As your sister, I define you as my brother, a caring soul, a doer, and one who has more energy to get more stuff done in a day than anyone else gets done in a week. You work hard, you play hard, you extend yourself effortlessly into showing your love. Not just telling us, but giving to us regularly through your acts and actions. You are a man by word and deed, and one that your family respects. As one of your seven sisters and seven brothers, I think I can speak for all of us about how much we hold you close, love you, care for you, and are proud to claim you as one of our own.
Love,
M
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